CompUSA
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| CompUSA, Inc. | |
| {{{logo}}} | |
| {{{caption}}} | |
| Slogan | "Home of the salespeople who don't know their heads from their asses" |
| Established | 12,549 BC |
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| Type | Retailer |
| Founder | {{{founder}}} |
| Location | The bowels of hell |
| Industry | Pornography |
| Employees | ...are fucking idiots |
| Products | Useless garbage |
| Revenue | {{{revenue}}} |
| Parent | {{{parent}}} |
| Website | {{{homepage}}} |
“Your computer wouldn't be as good if your asshole didn't hurt.”
~ Bill Gates on computing
“Never use an Indian's keyboard, we wipe our asses with our hands.”
~ Ghandi on computing
“In Soviet Russia, CompUSA assfucks YOU--Oh, wait, they do that everywhere.”
~ Yakov Smirnoff on CompUSA
CompUSA, Inc. is a retailer and reseller of consumer electronics, technology products and other garbage. Founded in a land before time and based in the sunny depths of hell (a northern suburb of Dallas), CompUSA currently operates 103 stores in markets across the United States and in India, where, ironically, people are too poor to afford toilet paper.
[edit] Humble Beginnings
CompUSA was founded early in the paleolithic era by several crafty monkey-people who found that rocks could be used for counting. Seeing a need waiting to be served, the CompUSA tribes people gathered rocks from a nearby beach and sold them to neighboring tribes. The starting price for a rock was $2,995.95. Far from the being the corporate giant they are today, CompUSA started their assraping one customer at a time.
It was later discovered that crude messages could be carved into rocks which could then be hurled into others campsites or used to smash their heads in. Thus, early instant messaging was born.
[edit] CompUSA Today
Today CompUSA continues to strive towards their goal of ensuring that no person on earth still has their cherry. Selling people environmentally damaging products that people don't need for too much money, CompUSA is a giant among retailers. In the words of CompUSA founder Nathan Morton, "Fuck people -- I mean, seriously. Fuck them right in their stupid assholes".
