Compris
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Compris is a company who were pioneers in the experimental field of Point Of Sale As Annoyance Systems. They are the world renowned creators of such popular point of sale applications such as Compris Register XP, which remains quite popular today even though it is almost nine years old, and Compris Register 2005. The company is now a wholly owned subsidiary of NCR Corporation.
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[edit] History
Compris was started in 1998 by Oscar Wilde, John Travolta and Queen Elizabeth II, when they decided that point of sale systems that actually worked were "pointless and boring", and decided to write a series of point of sale applications that were designed to annoy the user in every way possible, with things included but not limited to:
- Requiring the user to use the longest, most convoluted way of doing something, for instance, instead of pressing Print Receipt to print a receipt, the user must press Menu, Previous Transactions, View, Look At, Button, Here, There, Yes, No, Perhaps, Authorize, Cake, Confirm, Choose Transaction, Print. Pressing Print Receipt will result in the illustrated error message.
- Constant random gobboldebook error messages which mean nothing to any sane or normal person. These errors, however, mean nothing and do not cause anything bad to happen: they just appear for the sake of appearing.
- Requiring the user to placate the register with cake, even though it's a computer and cake is not a requirement to its internal workings.
Good ol' Queenie decreed that this was the best point of sale for any business in 2008. God bless her!
[edit] Compris Register 2000
[edit] Compris Register XP
These features, however, were not overly popular with some people, as people preferred their point of sale systems to do nothing but crash. It was a complete flop, and sold a measly three hundred billion licenses, most of which are still in use today. Those that did upgrade and were unimpressed were offered a full refund and a full downgrade to Compris Register 2000.
Compris Register XP was to be used for the Coles Supermarkets Touchscreen POS Terminal rollout, however, those sneaky bastards at Fujitsu stole the contract, which resulted in a $4.2 million loss for Compris for 2001.
[edit] Compris Register 2004
Compris Register 2004 was almost identical to Compris Register XP, apart from the fact that the database received a "revolutionary upgrade" to make it quicker and more efficient. However, the programmers took several shortcuts, meaning that the usual crashing and errors were restored that people missed from Compris Register 2000.
[edit] Compris Register 2005
Compris Register 2005 had a major interface and networking system upgrade, the former of which resulted in major confusion for all users, as it introduced a variety of confusing ways to reasonably simple tasks, and the letter resulted in even more crashes. Critics were highly sceptical as to whether the reputation of Compris Register that was tarnished by the XP edition could ever be restored. They were clearly wrong, as Compris Register 2005 sold eighty trillion billion million licenses, and made Oscar Wilde, John Travolta and The Queen $40 billion trillion dollars each.
[edit] The Sell Out
In 2006, after the success of Compris Register 2005, Oscar, Johnny and Liz decided that it was time to accept the fact that they were now richer than the entire population of the universe put together and multiplied by seven, that they should sell Compris and become richer again. They ended up selling the company to NCR for $48 zillion, split it three ways, and went on to purchase a continent each.
Development has halted on Compris Register, as it's too complicated for the dumbasses at NCR to even use, let alone rewrite.
