Congressman
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
Congressman is a selected representative for rich people in one of the Houses of Congress of the United States. When receiving a letter from a constituent, the Congressman will write a response, also called bullshit letter, file the original letter, and go to lunch at a five-star restaurant with the lobbyist scheduled to give him a blow job that given day.
If you want him the read the letter, attach a check for $5000 US. If you want action on the letter, attach a check for $20000 instead.
[edit] Example of citizen letters
Cut and paste these when you write to your Congressman!
Letter: Dear Congressman, we, the citizens represented by you, feel that it is our obligation to bring to your notice that our state is on the brink of destruction. There's no law enforcement, people are starving and even the pastor says Jesus has left for Mars because of our misery. Please help us!" - Generic Citizen
Bullshit letter: Thank you for your letter. To enable collaborative technologies and enable visionary partnerships, we seek to leverage revolutionary portals through incentivize intuitive users. Although the existence of brand virtual content exists (from a later date), our engineer plug-and-play systems are seeking solutions of architect open-source e-business to ensure incentivize cutting-edge vortals. In our efforts to syndicate distributed schemas, we unleash web-enabled experiences with benchmarked magnetic schemas to visualize cross-media web services. Rest assured, your complaint has been filed. Have a nice day. - Generic Congressman
Angry citizen letter Fuck you, you sack of shit! Did your mother have any children that lived? How corrupt can one man be, you boy-diddling sowbelly! I wrote to you about **Name issue here** and you completely ignored my request. Is it because I wouldn't sleep with you? You fucking bastard! I'll tell the newspapers everything! I have the photos of you with my 7-year old sister. You're going down! Down! Do you hear me? Do you hear me now?
