Police officer

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.

A police officer arrests a cat burglar

“I'm calling the cops”

~ JoshU2uber

Police officers prefer to be referred to as pigs, which they insist stands for “Pride, Integrity, Guts” but we know really stands for "Prats, Inbreds and Gimps". Police officers are the sworn enemy of drug dealers, whose stated mission involves protecting the people from the pigs.

Police officers are the leading cause of molestation in America, next to Michael Jackson.

“If I were not in the C.I.D. something else I'd like to be. If i were not in the C.I.D, a window cleaner me! With a rub-a-dub-dub and a scrub-a-dub-dub and a rub-a-dub all day long. With a rub-a-dub-dub and a scrub-a-dub-dub, I'd sing this merry song!”

~ Constable Dim of the Yard on being a policeman

All police officers are....nice???Southern United States. Those with an IQ below 47 are shipped to other parts of the U.S. and internationally.

[edit] Police officers info (scary)

For those without comedic tastes, the self-proclaimed experts at Wikipedia have an article about Police officer.

If you have an ego the size of Texas and a deep love for donuts, you are qualified to be a cop.

If you see police officers on the street, it is your duty as an alcoholic to run them down with your car. Not doing so will get you shot by the drug dealers. If police officers are chasing you in their squad car (which looks like a ricer or other four-wheeled lemon with shiny lights on top) you must run as they are out to kill you. Then tell your mom,cause your most likely on camera.

[edit] Food

The best-known food of police officers is the doughnut (pronounced “doe (think John Doe) naught”) served at law-enforcement hangouts Dunkin Donuts and Tim Hortons along with enough coffee to keep a watchman awake until the dawn.

Some Police Officers are known to be short tempered.

If you see a Dunkin Doughnuts, it is safer for you to leave town rather than stick around. Too many police in one area are bad news for all black people, drug dealers and Jews as they are armed and dangerous. Soccer moms are irrelevant; no one likes them so it may be better for them to be killed off (this includes Pamela Anderson, a well known soccer mom).

[edit] Lifestyle

Several police officers in a department meeting with the Chief of Police

Police officers spend most of their time coming out from underground like Batman(and Robin) and going after bastard chavs annoying teenagers with a little bit of gold (Bling-Bling) and a pager because they resemble drug dealers.

The police officers’ bible consists of an Old Testament (Criminal Code) and the more important New Testament (Highway Traffic Act). Like highwaymen, police will exact costly penance from travellers in full accordance with both of these books of scripture. They also do not like certain bumper stickers, like "Cops Suck Fat Dicks". They will most certainly beat the living shit out of you if you have such a sticker.

Police officers also spend quite a bit of time pulling over and ticketing young helpless teenagers. With pointless laws such as you must have a front license plate, and a drivers license in order to drive. I mean seriously, in this day and age, how many people actually have a drivers license? And why for God's sake would you pull over a teenager(espcially a pretty blonde)when they are driving to school? It seems like that certain teenager should be praised for trying to get to school instead of staying home and watching TV. But no, this is the PIGS messed up logic.

[edit] The Truth

Once Enid shut her story book, PC Plod became a real player hating bitch

As everyone knows firemen are some of the most feared killers in the US. But the truth is that the firemen are really just a front for police. Police merely created this front to justify their existance. Policemen are the real killers. They like to pistol whip people or just kill them with exploding cans of tear gas. The police are also behind every rap group since NWA, but have toned down the violence in these group to make it seem like they have an effect on violence. And also most of them are members of the kkk club, they just shoot every black man they see who figures them out.

[edit] Things to Say to Cops

1. You must have been doing 125 mph to keep up with me.
2. Hello, officer. Do you mind holding my beer while I find my license?
3. I thought you had to be in relatively good shape to be a police officer.
4. You're not gonna check the trunk, are you?
5. I bet I can grab my gun before you finish writing that ticket.
6. Do you know why you pulled me over? Good, so one of us does.
7. Can i get another one of those full cavity searches?
8. I pay your salary.
9. I was gonna be a cop, but then i decided to finish high school.
10. Well, when I reached down to pick up my last crack rock, my gun fell off of my lap and got lodged between the brake and the gas pedal, forcing me to speed out of control and hit that nun.
11. I was trying to keep up with traffic. I know there are no other cars around, that's how far they are ahead of me.
12. I'm sorry, I thought we were gonna race.
13. Can you hold this messy kleenex for me while I get my gun?
14. Look, a donut!
15. Wanna buy some weed?
16. Didnt i see you get the shit kicked out of you last week on Cops?
17. I swear to drunk I am not God! And there's no blood in my alcohol.
18. Hello officer, do you smell bacon? Cause Im definitely smelling some kind of pork around here....
19. Fuck, I don't have time for this. Ive really got to get a shitload drugs to these kids already.
20. Sweet Jesus, you are one fat fuck.
21. "I'M FREAKING OUT MAN!"
22. Fuck tha police
23. Is it true that speeding fines are to help pay for your donuts?
24. Weren't you on EastEnders?
25. Stop writting that ticket and lets go get some doughnuts, my treat!
26. Look, a black man!
27. If you want my license your going to have catch me first!
28. Come on you stupid pig use the billy club!
29. Are you taking slim fast or slim slow?
30. I was waiting for six more police cars and a police chopper.
31. I just wanted to make the five o'clock news.
32. Do you take bribes? If not just checking.
33. If you stop writting that ticket I'll have sex with you or go get you doughnut or everything in between.
34. Awww ya got me!
35. It was the two armed man!
36. I didn't kill my wife! Ok I just lied, now please be gentle?
37. You got the wrong black man!
38. You got the wrong black man again!
39. Now something is telling me your a racist motherfucker!
40. What the fuck do you want?!
41. What the hell did I allegedly do now?
42. Look, a possible illegal alien!
43. Did you run out of gas while chasing a suspect on World's Wildest Police Videos?
44. What do ya want, weed, cocaine, possibly a hooker?
45. Now I know what your thinkin', did he run 14 red lights or only 12, well to tell you the truth I kina lost count after you maced me. But considering this is a piece o' shit Pinto, and has less than a 23% percent chance of even starting... I've gotta ask myself a question. Do I feel lucky? Well, do I.*Jumps out of passenger side window and runs into the forest*
46. Go ahead, make my day. Too bad you didn't expectt this HOUDINI.
47. I didn't kill him he just happened to be in my way when i shot my gun.
48. Honestly i was trying to shoot you not your partner
49. Let's play russian roulette six shots six bullets WAIT you go first
50. How was i supose to know that thats considered rape
51. I wasn't speeding i saw the sign it said 10 MPH i just added another zero to MY speed
52. What do you mean i'm getting a ticket your lucky you caught me BEFORE i got to the ammo store
53. Aw shit my crack fell onto the floor
54. It's not meth it's cocaine jeez learn your drugs
55. My driver's license about that i'm only twelve
56. IT WASN'T ME HE SHOT HIM I WAS JUST HOLDING THE GUN AFTER HE SHOT HIM oh a broken headlight
57. Hey aren't you that kid i beat up in high school
58. I'm not drunk i'm intoxicated
59. If you tase me can i at least finish my beer
60. Ok just because there is five sacks of money in the back seat and I'm wearing a ski mask with an AK-47 beside me does not I robbed that bank earlier
61. You know what would complete your uniform? A swastika armband.
62. Is this a black thing?
63. What's my problem? I just smoked a whole bunch of crack that's what!
64. Since your a female cop can you pat down this bulge in my pants?
65. Since you gave me a warning how about some weed?
66. Officer do you smell drugs? Cause I don't smell drugs? Do you smell drugs Abraham Lincoln?
67. I dont know how fast i was going because i was asleep
68. No officer its your car, now get out of mine
69. hurmrurjf..... what fruhsudfd..... drunkener.... ME! hr hr ha ha get out of here

[edit] See Also

• Donuts
• Sting
• CACCPD
• Royal Canadian Mounted Police
• LAPD
• Officer Dave
• Police
• Grand theft Auto : Vatican City[[1]]

	v • d • e BACON Products
	BACON | BACON fat | BACON Mist | BACON Shrub | BACONated Grapefruit | Choco-Butter-Cheez-Bac'n Pops | Pork Products | Pigs | Canadian BACON
	People Named BACON
	Richard BACON
	All things BACON
	BACON-Men | BACON's Rebellion | BACON and Cheese Sandwich of 1905