Corpse
“I remember making out with one”
“I'm one, and so is my mom.”
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Corpse is the body of a deceased person. Usually caused by Chuck Norris being in the area. They can be commonly seen working in Starbucks, McDonalds or Walmart. When asking a question, you will usually only illicit a response such as 'huh', 'I'm on my break', or 'arrgghh kill all humans'. It is better to 'respect the dead' and just go ahead and shoplift anyway. {{C| They should not be confused with zombies, zombies can actually be productive in society, view the work of the late Bill Clinton, and recently deceased Nelson Mandela. They still do a great amount of work.
Corpses on the other hand only move when pushed, shoved, or kicked by their boss. When they eventually retire from working in a chain store, it is common to place them into a coffin to rest in peace. Though this coffin is then often just cremated, and turned into a pile of ashes.
Recreational uses of corpses[edit]
- Playing Bingo with
- Sex object
- The centerpiece of your dinner party, corpses are a delicious treat that are enjoyed at breakfast and lunch a Rotting corpse
- Keeping the dead corpse of your mother in your basement as motivation to stab girls to death in showers
- Making articles about them.
Well Known Corpses[edit]
- Ronald McDonald
- Gandhi
- Margaret Thatcher
- James Crowley
- Starkiller
- Gerard Way
- Nicole Richie
- Jade (Go play Super Filly Adventure)
- John McCain
- You
- Your Mom
- Bruce Lee
- Genghis Khan
Russ AbbottScrew it, he's 64- Billy Mays
- King Tut
- Marie Curie
- Kim Jong-il
- The Joker
- Cannibal Corpse
- That dude who likes to annoy me.
- That chick who keeps haunting me for life (Go play Darkness Episode 3)
- The kid's dog I just ate last night.
Films starring corpses[edit]
- Day of the dead
- Dawn of the dead
- Shaun of the Dead
- Nothing to Do With the Dead
- The Film in Which No Dead Appear
- DEAD! (the 1988 classic.)
- Just before sunset, but not quite dark yet of the dead
- When Harry met Sally
- Elf
- The Great Catalysm Which Caused All Infernal Overlords to Awaken and to Kill Everyone Dead
See also[edit]
Fun things to do with corpses[edit]
- Eat it.
- Kick it.
- Teabag it
- Poke it with a stick.
- Have sex with it.
- Have even more sex with it.
- Cut it open to see what's inside.
- Try to re-animate it.
- Cut off some limbs and then play practical jokes on your friends/kids/grandparents presently on own death bed.
- Cut off some limbs and just use them to beat the crap out of your friends/kids/grandparents.
- Cut off it's genitals so you can use it as a "live" sex toy
- Drive around town with it pretending he or she is your best friend.
- Donate it to a classroom for science class.
- Have even MORE sex with it
- Build up a collection of different corpses - see how many you can get and trade them with your mates.
- Dress them up in different costumes and show them off.
- Suck the gooey bits out of them.
- Paint swastikas on it and parade it round town.
- Use it for your next BBQ.
- Attempt to resurrect it.
- Donate it to McDonalds to help save the cows.
- Experiment with it.
- Use it as a babysitter while low on cash.
- Make use of it's body parts by using each as a design for your next advertisement.
- Act like Charlie Chaplin and do random funny stuff out of it, like playing blackjack together while eating live tarantulas
- Iron their head so it looks funny in the funeral.
- EVERYONE LOVES MUNTING.
- Use it as a parachute if your airplane explodes.
- Use it as a weapon to smack people with when they don't listen to you.
- Use it as a life raft when you are stranded on an island.
- Use it as a bed if you are tired of sleeping atop your shit-stained bed.
- Use it as a dummy for your next MythBusters episode.
- Use it as a prostitute when you, uh...
- Beat it up, just like what Ip Man did to General Miura.
- Give it to Princess Luna. I'm very sure she will like the present you will give to her.
- Ride a space shuttle and go to Venus and use the corpse (naked) as your flag which symbolizes your ownership
- Scream and run away like a little girl, LEAVING IT ALONE.
- Eat it raw, and say "BLAGOMAGOHARAGOMONOCORPSOYUMMY" and then run into your neighbor's houses naked and holding a teddy bear with the corpse's head on it instead of the teddy bear's original head.
- If you are a girl, use its dead boner and stick it up your *****.
- If you are a guy, use its dead boner and stick it up your *****.
- Empty out the insides, get inside, and call your girlfriend to come to your house.