Cosmetic surgery
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“'Twas foretold upon my pate, that such a blade shall rend it beautiful! Breasts!”
~ Oscar Wilde on Cosmetic Surgery
Cosmetic surgery (See: chicken evisceration) is a form of voodoo surgery contributing to the end of insecurity through implanting various chemicals (namely chicken bones, but at times dolomite and silicone ) directly into the mouth, face, index finger, left leg, right cerebral cortex, or other area of the body that requires dark magic or a contract with the devil to improve. This is considered a form of medicine, however, instead of being a boon to mankind in any manner (unless one takes into consideration its effects on increased breeding through bacchanalian orgies in conjunction with alcohol consumption, ecstasy pills, cocaine (God's Candy), hallucinogenic chicken meat, Aunt Jemima's syrup, and the curious lack of contraception(lambskin bubble wrap)) this particular form of voodoo is used to taunt the rest of the masses by showing that rich people can buy what others will never have.
[edit] Invention
Cosmetic surgery was invented by accident by a Dr. Milton Thomas Edgerton, a (now former) professional torturer while carving out a line for the game "Connect the Stab Wounds" on one of his clients, a favored Chinese pastime. Late in Dr. Edgerton's career as a torture artist, his work was discovered by an emerging Michael Jackson, which officially started Cosmetic Surgery as we know it today, subsequently serving as an example of What Not To Do for all medical students in residency today.
