Crab People

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.

Jump to: navigation, search
See the green spots? They're the genitalia! I know, we're turned on too ;)
Crab people.

Crab People also known as Crap Pepole are a hyper-evolved form of crabs, first brought to public attention in a documentary conducted by South Park. The Crab People society has it's own underground society and religion where they (the Crab People) worship the most non-logical things in the universe.

Crab People are part crabs, part humans....they TASTE LIKE CRABS AND TALK LIKE PEOPLE!! Also, they Fuck like Walruses (or in plural form: Wookiees)


Contents

[edit] Criticism of Crab People

Many people don't believe in Crab People, or they believe that sexual abstinence makes you better than everyone else. Crab people have been known to come from the deepest and darkest corners of slutty celebrity vaginas. Crab people should be feared for their telekinetic powers, and their ability to create meager dwellings out of the discarded feces of other organisms. Their outer shell is made solely of dried pubic hair, which is commonly spelled with only one consecutive "n." They criticize the Crab People society for promoting your mom and your dad. Also, some people that acknowledge the existence of Crab People discourage unprotected sex because they don't believe in spiritual nirvana or psychiatry. Sometimes, members of the Crab People society will kidnap these people and pinch them with over-sized novelty pincers while dressed up as crabs. This custom is comparable to the Christian holiday of Halloween.

Crab People also give you aids.

[edit] Crab People Prophets

Crab Gorilla

Crab People themselves worship many idols one being the Crab Gorilla. The Crab Gorilla can be related to the Greek God of War, Aries, controlling who lives and dies in battle.

The Crab Gorilla when angered not only excretes caramel and chocolate but allegedly rapes, pillages and plunders the small crab people villages. The Crab Gorilla takes the form of an above average gorilla (aprox 13.4ft tall)with black pincers in place of his hands. He is recognized by his rage filled eyes and war song "calendar girl" by Niel Sedaka.

The only weakness of the Gorilla is that he can only run sideways thus sharing the crab peoples crippling handicap. The crab people have a national holiday on June 4th to worship the Crab Gorilla and offer him bananas and 50's doo-wap vinyl.

Niel Sedaka has since been banished from any region containing pubic hair and crabs incase of encouraging the Crab Gorilla God. The middle aged to menopausal crab women are distressed at this but understand the threat.

Crab Ganesh

Crab Ganesh takes the appearance of an elephant with six arms each with pincers. Paintings in crab temples depict Crab Ganesh as a cunt so no one worships him. Children are taught of his stupidity to provide fuel when bullying a less developed peers.

Crab Jebus

The wise and knowledgeable Crab Jebus is an ancient bearded crab who, legend has it, turned edam cheese and cherry coke into bourbons and irn bru. Jebus was the educator of all the Crab Prophets and is respected for his knowledge, hence preying to Jebus in crab schools before class. Not to be confused with Crab Jesus, his younger brother.

Crab Jesus

Never spoke a true word in his short life and practiced black magic. See paedophile.

Crab Zuma See Jacob Zuma

Commonly seen with a showerhead attached to its head (to ward off Aids) .

[edit] Famous Crab People

[edit] Enemies of the Crab People

LOOK OUT!
 This article is complete, irredeemable octohedron. The submitter is Bat Fuck Insane, lathers at the larynx, and is an unfunny shit head.
If you attempt to steal this, you will most insufficiently steal Bat Fuck Insane yourself.
Or the submitter will steal your octohedron!!!!!!

49277 Rating: 0.0/5 (0 votes cast)

Retrieved from "http://mirror.uncyc.org/wiki/Crab_People"
Personal tools
on Uncyclopedia