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Infant hours after birth, unfortunately infected with the Craniofacial-hyperoseusitis virus.

Group: Group VI
Family Retroviridae
Genus Lentivirus
Fatality Rate 0% (not including suicides)

Craniofacial-hyperoseusitis, also known as Brendanitis, is a sub-microscopic infectious lentivirus belonging to the retroviridae family. Infection with the craniofacial-hyperoseusitis virus occurs by the transfer of blood, semen, vaginal fluid, pre-ejaculate, or breast milk. However, in some cases the virus has been known to pass through the skin in the sweat and onto food which then is passed into another victim.

There isn't enough data to calculate where the disease originated from, but the first sighting of the disease was in the early ninties, where a baby was diagnosed with a 'disgraceful infection of the subcutaneous stratum germinativum' (overall inconclusive) until tests in 2001 detected the virus in a scanning electron micrograph in Cambridge University.


The most obvious symptom is dangerously red facial skin, usually localized around the cheeks. The redness may also spread to other parts of the body (e.g the arms, hands). The only way to tell the difference between broken veins or meningitis rashes is by pressing down firmly on the surface of the skin; if there is a yellow-ish mark in the shape of the poking device, it is almost certain that it is craniofacial-hyperoseusitis. This is a dangerous test, as there is a high risk of infection.

Other symptoms include sudden outbursts of anger, an inextinguisable lust for rape and other sexual crimes, arrogance, and general hostility to everyone around them. Here is an everyday example of a short conversation with a normal person:

"Hi there! My name's Linus."
"Like my new top?"
"Yes, it looks great on you!"

As opposed to someone infected with the craniofacial-hyperoseusitis virus:

"Hi There! My Name's Linus."
"What do you want?"
"Um... like my new top?"
"I can't tell, you're so ugly it doesn't make a difference to your look."
"Just leave me alone, you're a dickhead." (proudly struts away)

See Also[edit]