Crapbot Computers
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Crapbot Computers is a computer firm developed in 1981 with one purpose in mind: to flood the market with quality computers. Their name was chosen by the Cray-1 supercomputer, which hates them, or so one would guess based on their name.
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[edit] Breakthroughs
- The CEO of Crapbot Computers, Emmzee, decided it was time to create a new chip. Not made of silicon, corn, or wheat, but of fiber. This high-fiber chip would not only have a processing power of 1.002739 Quadrobits a second, but also, when ingested, could relieve even the most constipated person. Finally, the name could be useful for something!
- In 1985, amid a stagnat product line, the famous Super Crapbot chip was introduced. It was made of ultra-dense fiber, which led to an astonishing 4.601294003 Quadrobits/second processing power, and the ability to have even more colonic releiving properties.
- In 1990, the Mega Crapbot 2 chip was introduced, with a clock speed of 19.0032854 Quadrobits/second, and a new minty taste.
- In 1998, the Crapbot 7 was introduced, with new hairball-removing qualities, and a clockspeed of 25.09936401 Quadrobits/second.
[edit] Computer Line
- 1981: Crapbot 1 (full name: Crapbot 1 Electronic Digital Analog Computer)
- 1983: Crapbot 2 Beta
- 1984: Crapbot 2 Full Version
- 1985: Super Crapbot
- 1986: Super Crapbot Xtra
- 1988: Super-duper Crapbot
- 1989: Mega Crapbot
- 1990: Mega Crapbot 2
- 1991: Mega Crapbot 3
- 1992: Mega Crapbot 3 Xtra and Mega Crapbot 3 XTREEEEM TO THE MAX
- 1993: Mega Crapbot 4
- 1995: Crapbot 3
- 1996: Crapbot 4 and Crapbot 5
- 1997: Crapbot 6
- 1998: Crapbot 7
- 1999: Crapbot 7 Mega-super-duplex Edition
- 2000: Crapbot: Christian Family Edition
[edit] Failure
In 2000, the last Crapbot computer, the Crapbot: Christian Family Edition was launched, meeting with bad press due to its slow clockspeed of 18.004826 Quadrobits/second and its lack of laxative properties. This led to the CEO, Emmzee, to commit suicide by eating a tub full of beans. His ghost came back and continues to haunt Uncyclopedia to this very day. After Crapbot Computers fell, the largest stock decrease in America since 1972 happened.
[edit] Crapbot is Still Alive
The Crapbot computer line is still popular on the Internet, with eBay prices ranging from $1000 (Crapbot: Christian Family Edition) to $697301.42 (one-time only Crapbot Mega-Super-Duper-Ultra-Extra-Xtra-Xtree Awesome Edition). These computers are a must-have for fickle consumers intimidated by "modern" products. The company still exists, however they only make four-function calculators now. Their subsidary, Shazbot Computers is in the laxative business. They are the famous makers of Colon Blow powder.
