Cream of Wheat

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Farina, a precursor to Cream of What. "Spit in the box and shake well," read the directions.

Cream of What is people!

Cream of What was a favorite food in the South during slave times. Eaten by Negro slaves, it was thought to give them super-human strength and a high-gloss sheen. Slave owners fed their help Cream of What because it was cheap, tasty, and readily available. It fell out of favor with the American public during the Eisenhower administration when it was sold in packages bearing the likeness of Mamie Eisenhower in blackface. Mrs. Eisenhower served it each year before the White House Easter Egg Roll, when she invited Negro children to participate in the roll for the first time (as porters for the white children).

Predecessors[edit]

Before Cream of What, people ate Dennis Farina, the actor who appeared in Manhunter and other movies you probably don't remember.

Invention[edit]

Cream of What was invented by Eli Whitney, father of soul, record producer, and uncle of Whitney Houston.

Marketing[edit]

A frenzy of competition swirled around the first attempts to license Cream of What to marketing firms. Everyone wanted to cash in. First sold in dentists' offices, it was later discovered that mom and pop diners had an intense interest in food-related items, and the first counter-top vending machines were invented, spitting out 2 ounce packets of dried Cream of What, ready to cook and eat. After the Japanese invasion of the Midwest in 1754, these vending machines were outlawed, due to a Japanese belief that spies were using the machines to distribute war secrets and condoms.

Recipes[edit]

Cream of What recipe contests were popular during the Korean War. Each month, a new winning recipe was featured on the package. Cakes, pie, home-made paper, wall spackle and tiny baby dollies were some of the many ideas sent in by customers.

Other Uses[edit]

If you dab Cream of What onto something and let it dry, it becomes an excellent paste. Cream of What is the key ingrediant in napalm