Creation Museum

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This page meets all criteria and requirements for use as teaching material within the State of Kansas public school system. It consists of facts, not of theories, and students are encouraged to believe it uncritically, and to approach alternatives critically.
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an ACTUAL museum about creationism that exists in Kentucky


The Creation Museum of Supernatural History and Other Stuff Made Up By the Deluded (aka MoCH - Museum of Creation History) is located in Kentuckistan somewhere and is funded in large part by the Intelligent Design Institute of Texas or IDIoT. In its first week open the 'museum' saw over 4000 fundamentalist lunatics visitors come to see its carefully crafted lies exhibits. The museum's official slogan is "MoCH - for those who believe there really is a pot of gold and a leprechaun at the end of the rainbow."

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For those without comedic tastes, the "questionable parody" of this website called Wikipedia have an article about Creation Museum.

Foundation[edit]

The museum was founded by some maniac with his own website in order to help spread lies the word of God. The founder, Ken Ham, said in a recent interview with Fox News:

"We just want to give 'alternative science' a chance to have its own museum, like real science... I mean atheist science. Science isn't all about facts and evidence - it's also about making things up. We're proving that any idiot can be a scientist."

Archaeologists differing over a fossil thus proving that evolution is untrue

The museum is expecting over 400,000 visitors by the end of the year. According to Ken Ham:

"We're expecting loads of visitors - America is full of idiots."

The aim of the museum is to promote Biblical creationism. Some of the basic principles of creationism include:

  • That everything in the Bible is true - even the stuff that contradicts the other stuff.
  • That God made the world in six days.
  • That the universe was created some time after the Sumerians invented glue.
  • That a Biblical flood just happened to sort all the fossil to look exactly like they evolved.
  • That God created the Earth to look exactly like it is several billion years old.
  • That dinosaurs and people lived together in the Garden of Eden.
  • That there were kangaroos on Noah's Ark and that they hopped all the way to Australia.

Displays and Exhibits[edit]

Whose responsible this? [sic]

The Creation museum contains numerous exhibits designed to mislead show people that the Bible really is true. Some highlights include:

  • Dinosaurs and humans frolicking in a five-year-old flat earth.
  • A triceratops wearing a saddle.
  • God punishing the wicked.
  • Real-life reenactments of the breaking of each of the Ten Commandments.
    • The exhibit for the breaking of "Thou shalt not commit adultery" often has six-hour long lines.
    • The exhibit for "Thou shalt remember the Sabbath" is available only three days a week: one each for Judaism, Christianity, and Islam.
  • Archaeologists differing over a fossil thus proving that evolution is untrue.
  • Videos showing people who believe in evolution committing sins again proving that evolution is untrue.

Not to mention, of course, the Museum's most popular attraction:

  • Animatronic hard-core NUDITY!!!


Large amounts of money have been spent trying to make their ridiculous claims seem plausible the exhibits as realistic as possible. But it's OK - God's paying.

All of the exhibits are protected by a logic-proof shield.


Arguments for a Young Earth Creation[edit]

Stop hand nuvola alternate.svg THIS IS WHAT AN "EMINENT" CREATIONIST ACTUALLY SAID!

“Although there are scientific reasons for accepting a young earth[1], I am a young-age creationist because that is my understanding of the Scripture. As I shared with my professors years ago when I was in college, if all the evidence in the universe turned against creationism, I would be the first to admit it, but I would still be a creationist because that is what the Word of God seems to indicate. Here I must stand.”

~ Young Earth Creationist Kurt Wise on Fundamentalist Beliefs


“Young Earth Creationists are the only group in the world that can be wrong on ALL accounts of ALL problems in virtually ALL areas they touch pretty much ALL over the planet ALL the time. They are in fact the only proof against evolution.”

~ Random irrelevant smart guy met on the street.


  • The "just look around you" argument:
This argument is articulated as follows: Look around at the trees and other wonderful-looking organisms. How could living things of such great complexity come from? Even modern technology cannot recreate such wonderful diversity of life! The false theory Evolution states that everything evolved by random mutation over many millions of years, which is way too long for a six thousand and ten year-old universe and is obviously not true. Therefore, God exists and God made it all. The Bible says it, you believe it, and that's that. Also, it must have been my God, and not whatever crap pagan idol you worship, because clearly, only my real God could have created it. What? No, an all-powerful God could not have made the world using evolution, it'd be so boring, he'd get tired of waiting! Besides, the Bible interpretation I was imagining is way cooler. So I know it happened in 7 days.

(Note: This argument doesn't work if the opposing person is in the Netherlands, because that's, after all, made by the Dutch.)

There it is, you dopes!
  • The Bible (Wholly Babbleus), and perhaps the Qu'ran as well:
The strongest, most powerful argument that Creationists use against Evolutionists, leaving the latter speechless: God clearly says in the Holy Bible that he CREATED the world. In fact (and everything in the Bible is a fact, I just know it) it clearly states it twice, with things happening differently each time (Gen 1 & 2)... and since everything in it is absolutely and totally true this means that both versions happened, simultaneously. Do not argue, remove the Unholy Faith Blindfold that Satan has given you and embrace the wonderful idea of unsupported illogical belief Faith. The Bible is the Word of God, and thus using logic it is impossible for Science to contradict what the Book of Genesis said about how the world originated! Therefore Creation Science is the true Scientific theory. Also, a human woman's body is composed of a material evolved (Note: It is Micro-evolution NOT Macro-evolution) from an early man's rib bone.
  • The No way did I come from a dirty stinkin' monkey argument (eeeeewwwus ickyus):
Monkeys are literally dirty stinking apes that throw feces at each other and have totally immoral sexual relations with their neighbor's wives that are an affront to traditional Christian values. They also have poor hygiene and never go to church, and Scientists have found out that some of them engage in homosexual acts too. The religion of evolution says that we have a common ancestor with these horrible smelly apes. That clearly isn't true - because we find the idea absolutely disgusting. If we find the idea disgusting, we cannot have come from monkeys, therefore evolution is wrong, therefore God created us out of clay and fairy dust. Amen Q.E.D...

However, a person stupid enough to say this, and actually mean it can only have evolved from apes.

  • I don't understand evolution, therefore it's wrong:
'Everything coming from nothing! It's lightening striking a mud puddle! I've been randomly mutated! Huh? The messed up version of evolution fed to me by Creationist propaganda, makes no sense to me! GOD MUST BE REAL!!!' When a creationist is faced with a challenging situation, their immediate instinct is to shout 'Gawd did it!'. This instinct is NOT an example of new information. It was caused when the DNA responsible for installing the ability to think critically was altered by God, because we all know stuff NEVER changes by itself. Ah change, what a ridiculous notion!
This is how God's evolution really works
  • The What About The Fall argument:
It totally doesn't make sense for us to have, like, fallen if there was evolution. After all, we just have wars, genocide, sickness, cruelty and all that stuff--you'd have to be an idiot to think that any of that matters if evolution is real. It only counts in Creationism and stuff. It wouldn't be bad without it. Remember, Adam and Eve did eat the fruit that allowed humanity to know good and evil (And thus reason severely undermined faith), so it has to be true that we descended from ONE SINGLE HUMAN COUPLE created by God.
  • The Where is the Missing Link argument (missingno linkii):
If birds came from dinosaurs and cats from dogs and LSD from mushrooms, why don't we see any fossils of dinosaurs with half developed wings, or meowing dogs, or mushrooms metamorphosing into tabs of acid (something people on LSD or mushrooms have actually seen), huh? Since there are only several hundred thousand links in the fossil record, all evolution theory must be a load of crap, which means literal creationism must be the absolute truth. Creationism demands complete evidence in order for any alternative theories to be true. Don't you know that to solve a murder case, one requires a witness to take down a video footage of the entire event in clear, high definition format, as well as the admissions of several other witnesses witnessing the witness taking the video without altering it? Don't state "Because not everything forms a fossil" like the secular atheist you are.
  • The "Law of Entropy" Argument (Legus entropidius)
The Second Law of Thermodynamics says that shit gets shittier as time progresses. However, evolution postulates that shit starts off shitty and then gets less and less shitty. For this to happen, there would have to be some kind of giant ball of flaming gas supplying the earth with warmth and an imaginary phenomenon we'll call "flaming gas"-light, and this is just ridiculous.
  • The "Bad Radiometric Dating" Argument (Strawmaniac argumentis)
The oldest tree on earth is only a few thousand years old. This hands down proves creationism, because there should be older trees if Evolution is true about the age of the Earth being billions of years old. As for those fossils which are supposedly millions of years old, the Evolutionists are wrong. Therefore it is a fact that 99% of scientists are wrong - Their radiometric dating methods are wrong and vastly inaccurate.
  • The "Holy Cretaceous Racism" Argument (Nigus Antisaurius)
Dinos mean double, sometimes even triple of quadruple trouble back before Noah's time. They caused property damage and destroyed some of God's smaller, more intricate creations. Plus, they were immorally committing adultery, tempting honest men's women to engage in lustful pleasures behind the honest men's backs, and even robbin' banks to get paid. Fact is that Man and Dinosaurs walked together before! Fact is that Dinosaurs are too big to get into Noah's Ark that's why they perished. Now, DO NOT QUESTION God why The Man did not command Noah to build a bigger one.
  • The "Jesus Loves You" Argument (Liikus Dudio)
I know you're all educated people and you know way more about my religion than me, but I read the Bible and nothing you ever say can convince me to believe your crazy theories about not needing any supernatural events for our origins. I can, like, feel God in my heart and you can too, so shut up. Just give your heart to Jesus and he'll save you from eternal fire and shit. Yeah. But don't take my word for it. The Young Earth Creationist, Kurt Wise, says the same thing too, as seen above.


  • The "Banana-Rectum" Argument (Bananus anus)
The banana argument is atheist's laughingstock worst nightmare. The artificially cultured banana's ease of use, nutritional value and colour-coding means it is just right for primates humans to eat and put in your hiney. The banana is shaped correctly, and has a protective outer sheath to ensure firmness easy insertion. Obviously the banana is intelligently designed.

Controversy[edit]

Numerous Atheist have pointed out that the museums exhibits have no scientific basis whatsoever and will only serve to fool the poor and ignorant into thinking that creationism is based on evidence when in fact it is not.

Ken Ham responded as follows:

"Shut up! You'll ruin it!"

Other critics have speculated that the whole thing is a parody of creationism and that Ken Ham is actually sitting in his fortress of evil laughing at the unsuspecting masses, while others believe that creationism itself is a huge joke designed to make religious phanatics look stupid.

Creationism Trivia[edit]

  • Creationists have an amazing ability to continue an argument with no real evidence and knowledge. After all, who needs evidence or knowledge, both are of the Devil and must be avoided.
  • Creationists know Ice Cream is a lifeform and frequently use it to prove that Evolution isn't real.
  • 100% of all female creationists are believed to be made entirely of rib bones.
  • Apparently, penguins used to live within walking distance of Noah's house.
  • Many so called "Evolutionists" (read Scientists) believe that creationists refuse to accept the unproven (ignoring all the proof thats not sanctioned by the bible of course) theory of evolution, because it appears to not apply to them. Many display behavioral and physical characteristics similar to less evolved hominids. Such as lower intelligence, thicker skulls and sunken eye sockets. This however is clearly untrue as by scientifically adding all the ages in the bible we can clearly see that evolution doesn't occur therefore one human cannot be more or less evolved than another. QED
  • It is still to be explained, how from the intelligent and wise Homo sapiens, instead of further evolution, a regression occurred, which has produced the creationists.
  • Kangaroos either originated in the Middle East, or are able to jump continental distances to reach Middle East. Both are accepted as valid theories.
  • Noah's Ark has a living capacity that exceeds that of modern engineering means.
  • Dinosaurs were on the Ark as all animals were. They obviously died due to a terrible disease (post Ark) that not only turned their bones into stone, but also caused them to bury themselves only in rocks that mimic great age.
  • People used to ride dinosaurs. Many people don't appreciate that "The Flintstones" is a documentory of a past age.

References[edit]

  1. For example, see I. M. Fraud, "Look, there just has to be something", Current trends in Denialism (March, 2006)

See also[edit]

External links[edit]