Creation by bubblegum
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History of the Story
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Herstory of the Story
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God was bored, what with being an omnipotent being in a void and all. The void itself is a rather boring nowhere. Not too much there, see, it’s rather all void—of stuff. Now a bored God isn’t like a bored person—A bored God is a really, really dangerous thing—why do you think we’ve got the nautilus, dung beetles and all the larvaceans?
And thus said the LORD, “Kittens! I’m bored…” In fact, God suffered from a serious lack of entertainment.
One day (well, if there is such a thing as a day in a void), God decided to do something. God decided to create something. First God created the clock. It was a grandfather clock, very nice looking and all—it made a loud tick tock noise, marking the passage of each second. The void lacking time was probably a good thing. Because time, follows special rules in cases of boredom—it always travels more slowly when counted. Always. God created a board. It was a huge... failure, misery loves company the board was a lousy entertainer, very wooden. So now God was bored, with a board in a void. God’s second invention, the rock, wasn’t such a big hit. 'cept on the head. God’s third, the flamethrower... well... lets just say, the [[board kinda wasn't looking so hot afterwords. hot. Ha, ha, ha. God's fourth invention was the kitten. it was fun. it frollicked... for about seven seconds before dying from accidental complications with flamthrower. God's fifth invention was the Can opener. this was ingenious since there were yet to be any cans. It was also useless for the same reason.God's sixth invention was the Garbage Can. God wanted to clean up the void… which, was kinda useless, what with the void being everywhere and nowhere… and infinately small… er… large..God accidentally lit it on fire with the flamethrower. accidentally. really. it wasn't God's fault, you try cramming a flamethrower into a Garbage can some time. Not pretty.
God had an Epiphany: Bubble Gum. God CHEWED and BLEW an enormous BUBBLE, it filled up the void. Well, it was about the size of a large canteloupe, which, is fairly impressive for a bubble, of course, the cantelope-sized BUBBLE filled up the void thereby creating a nice dimensional paradox. At any rate: the BUBBLE POPPED and the universe came into being thusly. This was, in Void circles widely known as the apocolypse. Luckily when the Universe was created, it replaced the void, making the apocolypse somewhat less apocolyptic
God now had to deal with lots of stuff. It was a different problem entirely. See, now God had a big mess
And Spaketh the LORD thusly: “Don’t try this at home kids! Universe creation is dangerous—and rather messy your mum probably wouldn’t like you to create your own universe in her living room, see, well… there’s a lot of cleanup involved.”
And thus spoke the LORD: "Don't count your kittens before they hatch--that's Oscar Wilde's job. not yours, not mine."
And God wasn’t joking, it took him well over a billion years to even make a dent. The universe was big, the garbage can, small. Therefore God created the stars to help with the whole cleanup business. They accelerated the process a bit. Made the little bits easier to pick up. God then went about the business of picking up the mess from the BUBBLE.
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