Creation of the Universe
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“I'm always right - it's the Universe that's wrong.”
~ Oscar Wilde on the Universe
Contents |
[edit] The Creation of the Universe
“I don't even speak to the universe anymore, she knows what she did. Bitch.”
~ Yasser Arafat on The Universe
“Oh yea, I had front row tickets!”
~ Chuck Norris on The begining of the Universe
The Creation of the Universe... It has puzzled many billions of homo-sapiens for millennia... however we all know, as well as the average woman does, that it was created from two civilizations known as the "Matter" and the "Anti-Matter". But wtf you say!? Matter and Anti-matter simply cannot give enough information about the events of the most ultimate and powerful nations in all of the history of the universe! What follows is a general report on the basis of the creation of the universe...
[edit] Matter
The Matter civilization was composed of many quadrillions of different types of pink gases that took form that looks similarly like a hippogriff with grated cheese for fur. This highly intelligent race of Cheeze'o'griffs eventually evolved into the highly unintelligent race known as humans. But we’ll get to that later. Firstly, we must discuss why the Cheeze'o'griffs came into existence. The Cheeze'o'griff evolved differently to the many different types of Anti-Matter races. The Cheeze'o'griff’s origin all started from a small atom known as Jasperillium. This atom was under enormous pressure from all the different sun gods that wanted this atoms very unique type of Charm Quarks orbits inside the electrons of Jasperillium. The Charm Quarks pattern similated curly hair and strange interest in the Strange Quarks. Eventually, the sun gods gave up in the Charm Quarks for their curly haired pattern of orbit, (which they wished to investigate, in order to develop a special type of talking hair gel), and made the Strange Quarks bombard the Charm Quarks repetitively. The Charm Quark loved it at first, but quickly became irritated and eventually exploded (hence the big bang). The Strange Quark then broke off to create the Anti-Matter whereas the Charm Quark had a different story. The Charm Quark disintegrated into 2.4 trillion different pieces which later inbred to form the gaseous form of the Cheeze'o'griffs.
[edit] Anti-Matter
As was seen in the chapter above, the Anti-Matter was first composed of a type of matter, more commonly known as a Strange (commonly known as "Xenu", thanks to Lafayette Ronald Hubbard and his ship of fools). This Strange Quark, which later left the elections of Jasperillium, did not disintegrate like the weak Charm Quark, but was rather shrivelled up by gravity that was created by super fast light beams from the sun gods when they realised that their beloved Charm Quark had disintegrated. When the Strange Quark became so small that it was credible for my brothers genitale (and/or the brain size of quite a few Scientologists), it simply disappeared, but as it did so it turned into energy (as we know E=MC2) BUT! The strange powerfulness of the Strange Quark didn’t want to be energy, so it turned into matter, but the opposite… simple meta-physics, I’m sure you’ll understand it quite easily. (you can read up on it at http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Metaphysics )
[edit] Anti-Anti-Matter
An organisation set up soon after Anti-Matter was first found, condemning the Anti-Matter regime and all they stand for.
[edit] The Great War of Genisis
So, as it all turned out, the Anti-Matter civilization was made up of S.P.A.R.T.A.N.S, (lords of death), Goats (never to be milked on Wednesdays) and plenty of Governators (similar to Terminators, but with more political skill, and less machine-ness). The Matter civilization was made up of one inbred race of Cheeze'o'griffs (which are really good at making super awesome technology and more Cheeze'o'griffs).
Anyway, the Great War of Genisis had begun, for the simple reason that Charm Quarks loved Strange Quarks but then Strange Quarks dominated Charm Quarks in the electron bed… So the massive war was continuous, went for thousands of milli-small-tiny-incywincy-micro-tiny-seconds. Also known as 0.0000000001 earth minutes.
Firstly in the Great War of Genisis, you must know that it was a Wednesday, and as you should know, goats are not to be milked on Wednesday, and that’s exactly what the Cheeze'o'griffs tried to do! They simply worshiped the taste of milk! But that’s a different story. Anyway, the Cheeze'o'griffs tried to milk the goats of the Anti-Matter civilization. Both sides lost devastating numbers in casualties, 23 Cheeze'o'griffs to every 4.6 goats were lost on both sides. But the awesomeness of the cheese on the Cheeze'o'griffs with their combined technology over-rode the goats, and so the goats were enslaved to a life of pleasures but with a larger amount of tortures while the Cheeze'o'griffs milked them later.
The Governators. Govern. Ators. These mother-of-godly figures took the side of the Anti-Matter. It is uncirtain where these human-dragon-fish monsters came from, but we do suspect that it was linked directly to the sadness of the Strange Quark when it realised that the Charm Quark didnt like her very much. Anyhow, these Fish-men's only purpose that they saw in thier lives was to compleatly destroy the Cheese'o'Griffs. When they heard that the Anti-Matter had declared war on the Matter,Thier super-mega anger unleashed, and they created such a big blast of meger-magma-anger, so damn big that they obliterated thier home planet of swamp, sending parts of thier planet all over the galazy. Parts of thier really big planet mutated over time as it flew through space, which landed on variouse planets and suns and asteroids all over the galazy. Cirtain outcomes of this anger are related to the Really Big Tree and the really big space worm that the mellenium falcon landed in for repairs while being chased by darth vader in his star destroyer (Darth vader is currently serving time in Azkaban). So the Governators blew up thier planet, so later as they flew though space, munching on eachothers clams and algae that grew on thier butts, thier anger towards the Charm Quark incrased and maxed out soo much that they landed on another planet to start another civilization which they woould later make really big guns and ships and crap to kill all of the Charm Quark peoples. With this in mind, they later, after the war, a few billion years to come, they evolved into the Covenant. Which played a part in a different war altogether. But we wont go there right now.
Later in the war. The Spartans took the field to battle the Cheeze'o'griffs. There were only 3 spartans though, one was Bill Clinton, the second was named Cannon Pixma, and the third’s name is still uncertain, but cirtain resources show that his name is close to something of "Master Chief", but it has been confirmed that he has been seen with Catherine Elizabeth Halsey one evening entering a hotel. One spartan was instanly killed, the second decided to side with the Cheeze’o’Griffs in order to print millions of copies of newspapers. The third put a tremendouse fight to the almost death, killing approximately 6.66 X 10^8 Cheeze’o’Griffs, (it is really unknown becuase most of the bodies were ripped apart from the weapons and rage of the "master chief" that some bodies were merged into other bodies at times that we simply could not count the amount of losses to the Cheese'o'Griffs. Anyway, the Cannon Pixma had the brilliant idea of printing billions of copies of pages with pictures of Cortana on them. This worked very well, as the SPARTAN was then taken prisoner to be enslaved by the Charm Quarks for millions of years, to be milked.
[edit] The Creation…
So as you can figure, the Matter civilization won the great holy milk wanting war. Charms… won. The Cheeze’o’Griffs later evolved over millions of billions of years to turn into a more solid state of matter (not gas) that we know today as homo-sapiens. This pathetic race then faced a new matter… what to do about fuel prices! And also, what to do about those evil terrorists (also known as goats that escaped the milking, and later evolved through hyper-consumption of jasperillium, which later turned them into a humanoidal form. But have you really noticed that every terror attack happened on a Wednesday…?) To date, it is know that Goats commonly breed in northern Canada and that the Cheese'o'Griffs, now today known as humans, have thier most efficient form of breeding in Greenland.
[edit] Who's to say what's what?
One of the eternal mysteries is that of which is really matter and the other anti-matter? For it could of just been as easily misnomered as anti-matter being the real matter and matter the real anti-matter? Did the arbitraryness of kangaroo's in tibet that named everything in existence in effect start existence, or is this another fable of wisconsin cheeseheads?
[edit] Evidence of the Creation of the Universe
The Creation of the Universe was video-taped by God, to crush the doubts of agnostics. However, God used Betamax, and thus the Creation has never been seen.
[edit] Rumors
This page was written by the son of Robocop, who is currently engaged to someone/thing known as alias: Cortana. Or this page mite be writen by the Creation of the Universe.
[edit] Now, really
Everyone knows the universe actually popped out Bruce Lee's mouth after Mr. T punched him in the stomach. Other versions also include a small yet decisive precipitation of Chuck Norris in the event, thus forming the holy trinity.
[edit] Or…
Someone was really bored and made the damn thing!
- Ha lol, i hadnt read this thing in over a year, its changed a shitload lol - The Chief (original writer)
