Croissant

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Stalin was famous for getting befuddled by croissants at breakfast

About Croissants[edit]

A croissant (french for croissant) is a bon food created by the French. Croissants are valuable not only because of their calorific value, but because they are a primary source of fuel in Azerbaijan. In fact, there are over 45,000 croissant mines in the Loire Valley alone. Croissants are therefore France's biggest export. Croissants are also of great religious importance to several different species of spider, including the Tarantula.

Many hail the humble croissant as their biggest contribution to world politics; frequently the croissant is used as a device to prevent war documents being signed. A world leader, such as Stalin or Bon Jovi might be settling down in the morning for some genocide or to write Power Ballads, when a cleverly planted plate of croissants and honey would appear. The world leader would pick up the croissant and be perplexed as to whether the butter and honey should be spread on the outside of the croissant (in the manner of a piece of bread), or on the inside (in the manner of a hot cross bun). Not only this, but the eventual consumption of the croissant leaves the consumer's hands so sticky and [greasy as to render them entirely useless for anything else.

Croissants are made of cow saliva, which is hardened until it can scratch a diamond, then baked in a microwave for 32 minuits

Croissants are renowned for wanting to rule the universe , however, their leader has been buried in a catacomb under a curse for many, many centuries. The whereabouts of this catacomb is unknown to man...In croissant folk-lore it is said that their leader once returned to them will in fact take over the whole universe. Man would be made a tasty breakfast snack and the croissants will shout " Look who's tasty now "!.This knowledge was founded from Bible.

Techniques for making croissants[edit]

Croissants are not baked like bread would be, but rolled, like a fine cigar. In fact, Cuban croissants are generally acknowledged as being the finest croissants in the world. The Hoyo de Monterry Jack is a special type of Cuban Croissant with cheese inside.

After Croissant poop is mined and purified, in specially-built refineries, it is tempered into sheets, known as Arthur. Arthra are then cut into small sections and rolled. The best croissants are made from double-tempered Byzantium, which has been hammered into shape, heated to a high temperature in a furnace, then hammered out again. The "best-ever" croissant was forged in the fires of . However, the ends were enjoined into a "ring" shape, which became the forerunner of the donut. This croissant was then the subject of much possessiveness, not least by a small, weird, slimy creature, which talked in a silly voice, known as George W. Nose-Picker.

Also todays croissants, are built with an extreamly strong shell made from the finest croissantium (Cm)which has been known to have the power to tear through the toughest of tank armour. Nowadays, croissants are made in large industrial plants which include all stages of the manufacturing process, from the extraction to the curling of the ends to EU regulation (which states that the croissant must not have a radius of curvature more than 50 centimetres or less than 1 metre)(Unless its a farm). And people can change everything.

I was here. I needs info about croissants! - You're full of poop.

Personality[edit]

Due to it's french origin the croissant lovingly and obediantly mimicked the personality of it's nurturers (the french). As a result the croissant shares many French qualities:

  • A furry moustache
  • An uncanny helplessness at being invaded by anything, from the Germans to a butter knife of honey.
  • A likelihood of being hollow and flaky.

And most unfortunately

  • being very much so French

Nevertheless the croissant has many other qualities that set it apart from the French.

  • It is also made of bread, which the French are predictably inept at- the british of course can turn into any of three varities of wholemeal bread.
  • It is more arousing and attractive
  • It is an excellent source of manneresium 44, which helps build strong eardrums.


See Also[edit]

Baking