Crystal Bay Township, Minnesota

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Crystal Bay Township in Minnesota is a small town of 607. With 98.68% of the population being white, it is the most ethnically diverse city in Minnesota. The other races in Crystal Bay being 0.33% black and 0.16% Asian, this meaning that there are 2 Blacks and an Asian living in the township. The state government has used this to prove wrong critics who say Minnesota is a white bread, dull and prejudiced state.


Note the red SUV is a firetruck preventing Johnny and Ben from burning the whole thing down

The local government, sticking to its conservative roots, has all segregated schools. $11.1 million dollars was spent creating schools for its minorities. With $10 999 991 being spent on the Asian School, The Center for Arts and Sciences and 9 dollars spent on the black school, Edgeukate yur chillun hure. The latter school's building materials being worth $4 with the rest being spent on making long distance phone calls assuring the federal government they didn't just make a blacks only school.

Almost as big a waste of money as the shack.


Not everyone in the town is thrilled with the Crystal Bay's diversity. Local council member Jeffrey Ewell is quoted as saying "It is one thing to have your neighborhood ruined by catholics but an Asian? I'm no racist but next thing you know we'll need signs in two languages! And I'm tolerant, some guy with a polish father moved in and I kept my thoughts to myself." Despite this, Crystal Bay has won praise from the Salt Lake City government for being as progressive as they are in not screaming ethnic slurs when minorities walk by them.

The two African Americans living in Crystal Bay are Ben Greenwood and Johnny Hughes, the self proclaimed 'OGs' of Crystal Bay. Johnny is quoted as saying "yeah we iz like rollin wit the Crystal Bay ballas, I fink we iz like owns this turf". Mr. Ewell retorts "That is what you get with blacks in the neighborhood, gangs, how am I supposed to be safe?" Johnny and Ben are both from Staines in England, which they claim to be the roughest place in the Greater London Area. Both Johnny and Ben claim to be related to Malcolm X, which by US law makes them black and the government intends to believe it in good faith.

Johnny and Ben lied to the census

As for the Asian, Alex Kim is enjoying himself at his million dollar facility. The government decided that Asians were the future and figured the millions of dollars were worth it. Nobody told them Alex Kim was severely mentally handicapped at the time, and the government denies anything being wrong with young Mr. Kim except for the fact that he cannot count to three.

Alex learning he gets to pet the dog again

Feeling that the town was diverse enough, the mayor of Crystal Bay has said "Why move here when you can spice up other towns like Willmar? Who doesn't want to be the first Hispanic in Willmar?"

Notable Residents[edit]

Umm... I'll get back to you.