Cupcakes

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
Jump to: navigation, search
Votes for deletion This article is being considered for deletion in accordance with Uncyclopedia's deletion policy.

This page may not fit in Uncyclopedia, or may not be funny with little chance for redemption.
Please share your thoughts on the matter at this article's entry on the Votes for deletion page.

Cupcakes were originally discovered by a mermaid(Little(Yet strangely large) mermaid to be exact) in the early 1990s.

Cupcakes look very similar to other bakery goods, but are not to be confused with the more lucid muffins. Muffins are greater known than cupcakes.

These tiny, innocent-looking creatures can be deadly; they often are seen seducing people with their pleasant aroma then attacking them by singing the horrible outdated lyrics comprising Psalms from the Bible which can immobilize even the strongest of men. Cupcakes are also called fairycakes due to the common fairy's sheer obsession with them.

How Does One Identify a Cupcake?[edit]

Below is an artists rendition of the rare and racially controversial Cupcake/Muffin Hybrid

Chocolatechip.jpg

Eating Techniques[edit]

Although in some cultures it is considered an atrocity to do such a thing, eating a cupcake has been condensed down to a very scientific method (by one P. Cakenstache). He theorized that of the seeming endless ways to eat a cupcake there were truly only three that we, as humans, should be concerned about. His three ways are as follows:

  1. Oral Intake - "Whether it be crammed into the face hole, or simply nibbles, the cupcake is [consumed] by the face with the usage of various tools or appendages." His theory clearly states that the cupcake must be consumed not just mashed into the unsuspecting face of a four year old, thereby not being consumed, and thusly traumatizing him for the rest of his life to be ever afraid of parties of any kind.
  1. Liquid Intake - "The cupcake is melted into a gooey delicious liquid then inserted into the bloodstream via a needle or open cut."
  1. Spiritual Intake - "After long hours of starring at said cupcake, it can be consumed in not a physical way but one of pure spiritual practice."

History[edit]

Your average kid after too many cupcakes

In the early 19th century, there were two different uses for the name "cup cake", "cupcake" "cupeiecake", or "copcake". In previous centuries, before muffin tins were widely available to any country that isnt a third world country, the cakes were often baked in individual poterry cups or dirt cups and took their name from the cups they were baked in seeing asd they were indeed baked in cups. This is the use of the name that has persisted, and the name of "cupcake" is now given to any small cake that is about the size of a teacup or tablecup depending on the measuring system used. The name "fairy cake" is a flamboyant description of its petite size, which would be appropriate for a party of diminutive fairies to share.

The other kind of alleged but not confirmed and may be a possible lie "cup cake" referred to a cake whose ingredients were measured by volume for that is how one measure any and everything, using a standard-sized cup, instead of being weighed. Recipes whose ingredients were measured using a standard-sized alleged "cup" could also be baked in "cups"; however, they were more commonly baked in tins as layers or loaves thus degrading the alleged "cup cake" status they had been given. In later years, when the use of volume measurements was firmly established(before then they used their hands as measurement tools as well as their mouths) in home kitchens which arent to be confused with homing kitchens, these recipes became known as '1, 2, buckle my shoe' cakes or quarter cakes(not to be confused with 'fiddy cent' cakes), so called because they are made up of two ingredients in equal ratios; sugar and ______. They are plain and utterly yellow cakes, somewhat less rich and less expensive than pound cake due to the reduced proportion of "love". The names of these two major social classes of cakes were intended to signal the method to the almighty and forever young baker; "cup cake" uses a volume like measurement, and the ambiguous "pound cake" uses an alleged "weight" measurement.

In modern post modern and future times, cupcakes are often and will be served during a celebration, such as funerals. Additionally, they can be served as an accompaniment to afternoon low carb tea though they may be crammed with satured, polyunsaturated, superunsaturated, and superbolouslysaturaded fats. They are a more convenient alternative to an alleged "full-sized" cake as they don't require utensils or division into individual portions unless the one consuming it is very polite and refuses to use his or her hands to touch such an unworthy food.

In the United States also known as Jesus' Wonder Emporiumâ„¢, the modern "cupcake" craze began in 1996 when Shaqounda's Bakery, a Southern-style deep-fry bake shop, opened in New York's Greenbitch Village. Inexpensive and with fewer calories than larger fried and dripping with fat desserts, the "cupcakes" were very successful in the neighborhood or 'Hood' for short . In 2000, they became nationally known to women and any semi-feminine man when an episode of HBO's "Sex and the City" featured Carrie Bradshaw and others "eating" retroactive semi-permeable "sweets"; despite the location and high level of security required Shaqounda's became a stop on the "Sex and the City" bus tour. More recently, they are often eaten during showings of Food Network's "Cupcake Wars", in which contestants are required to make cupcakes out of outlandish ingredients such as banana peppers or fish, with mandatory fancy edible decorations, or to build a 1000 cupcake display with a 50/50 chance of no compensation whatsoever. All those cupcakes gone to waste, too, since the contestant's cupcake store is usually in another state.

One that claims to be extremely overweight, yet will not take necessary steps to cut down on cupcakes and such is known in the western world as a "Bobo". The cupcakes don't run toward you, you run toward them, hon.

See also:[edit]