Cyberbullying

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This article is satire. To see what we on Uncyclopedia really think about cyberbullying, please go to Beginner's Guide/Cyberbullying without passing GO.

“I was sick of people bullying me as a kid so I invented cyberbullying!”

~ Bill Gates on Cyberbullying
Real Live Bully

Cyberbullying is a fine art that is usually displayed on the internet, along with porn. The best way to explain Cyberbullying as an art is to use an analogy. A painter expresses himself with a brush, slowly making sure every detail of his painting illustrates the way he feels. A Cyberbully expresses himself with a keyboard and a webpage, slowly typing his own insecurities into the poor, poor, helpless minds of his victim, creating a beautiful work of art. It's a lot like DeviantART, except Cyberbullying actually yields real art.

Why Cyberbully?[edit]

Ok, we all know the pleasures of bullying other people, but whats the appeal of internet bullying when you can't physical hurt anybody? The answers are many, and the top eleven are listed below.

12. It's fun for everyone, including you. and you cant get sued and no one gets mad.

11. Making A Bed,Brushing Your Teeth, And Farting in your little Brothers pillow

10. It's safe for everyone, including you. No scratches or bitemarks, and no frivolous lawsuits.

9. Never has there been a more concentrated population of geeks, nerds, and other bully bait than on the internet.

8. Broken bones and bruises will heal with time. A brutal attack on ones self esteem causes much more permanent damage, and will cause your own self esteem to skyrocket.

7. It's cool, like smoking. People think you're tough when they see your screen name next to a childish insult or threatsssssss.

Standard Cyberbully

6. Multi Tasking. Watch porn while destroying the mental stability of any number of victims at the same time.

5. Bully foreigners. Other countries are just teeming with prey (especially France!)

4. Piss off Uncyclopedia. No matter what its stance is, it's still a machine.

3. Improve the Wikis, Blogs, and other webpages with your witty remarks such as, "You suck," and, "Your Gay."

2. Kill time while all alone at home.

1. Sexy appeal. Girls will love guys who can type trash and eat it.

Cyberbullying, A good idea, but does it go far enough?[edit]

Kellerloch.jpg

Usually Cyberbullying is a relatively satisfying experience for all, but sometimes the appropriate reaction isn't provoked from the victim. This is probably because he or she is exactly what you said, "a homo." Usually this person has responded to your bullying with a witty defence, or has not responded at all. Whatever you do, do not try to bully someone who has good wit, because these people are usually just gaytards who might be contagious. If the victim doesn't reply to your message, it's probably because that person is "pretending" to have a life. Phh, yeah right, what a douchebag.

But How Can It Be Rewarding If You Can't See Their Expression?[edit]

Of course we all love to see the reaction of the torturee, but isn't it all that much better if you guess? Real life is usually disappointing compared to the wonderful notions in the human mind.

Examples Of Good Cyberbullying[edit]

  • "LOL You have a anus! Thats gross!!"
  • "This is a good page... for me to poop on!"
  • "If buttfaces could fly, this place would be an airport."
  • "You type so slow, its like you're retarded, retard"

Cyberbullying on Uncyclopedia[edit]

Uncyclopedia has one single policy on Cyberbullying. It will not be tolerated. See Uncyclopedia:No cyberbullying.

QVFD is a good place to find the names of some Cyberbullying targets.