Cyrano de Bergerac

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.

The great-grandfather (three times removed on his mother's side) of ventriloquism, Cyrano made his living by causing sappy romantic poetry to seemingly come from random guy's mouths, often at highly inappropriate times. He is credited with inventing the line: "I can see your lips moving," which was meant to be the punchline of a dirty joke that no one else understood. However, the phrase was quickly taken out of context by Oscar the Grouch, and it is now primarily used as a cruel taunt against mutes. Cyrano de Bergerac had what was scientifically proven to be the biggest nose to ever exist. And you know what they say about guys with big noses. That's right, big nostrils. His head, however, is a different story. Scientists have yet to measure his head in actual quantitative value, but most agree it is "freaking huge!" "fucking huge!" or "So goddamn big that if it fell on you, you just might die. This is not a hyperbole."

His nose, though enormous compared to a commoner's, is out of proportion compared to his head, and appears very small.