DXM

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
Jump to: navigation, search
DXM.png
Bouncywikilogo8.gif
For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about DXM.

DXM is an abbreviation of "dex-tro-meth-orphan", which is a chemical that alleviates coughs in low doses, causes pregnancy in higher doses, and kills wasp and ant colonies in the highest of doses.

It is important to note that DXM is extremely addictive, and that it kills you the very first time you try it.

Dextromethorphan was discovered in 1944, around the same time as the scientific discovery of the female orgasm. The two were discovered by the same people, Dr. Olney E. White and Robert Cliff Anderson.

In the mid-90's, DXM increased in popularity due to the emergence of several websites and message boards geared towards cough syrup aficionados. These sites attracted many social delinquents, including men, women, AND children. In these online communities, the members frequently consumed large quantities of Mello Yello, usually in a can, for the purpose of becoming dangerously psychotic. Once under the influence, these people would fly away and burn up in the sun.


SIDE AFFECTS MAY INCLUDE:

- USING YOUR OUTDOOR VOICE
- COUGHING
- COUCHING
- PAPER EATING
- CHAIR SITTING
- NAMING YOUR FIRST-BORN SON DEXTER
- THINKING UNCYCLOPEDIA HAS EVER BEEN FUNNY
- NYMPHOMANIA
- PURCHASING COUGH SYRUP AT YOUR LOCAL GROCERY STORE
- FUNNY SMELLS
- SIDE EFFECTS THAT CAUSE MORE SIDE EFFECTS

Code Names[edit]

  • Robo
  • Syrup
  • Code Blue
  • Operation Desert Storm
  • Triple C's
  • Weed
  • Sizzurp
  • Ms. Coffman
  • Tuss
  • Skittles (taste the rainbow)
  • Party Up (Up In Here)
  • Grape Juice
  • Orange Juice
  • Monster
  • The Shit

Trip Summary[edit]

Once DXM is ingested, it goes to your brain, knocks on the do' and lets itself in. After DMX is in, he plays the song "stop being greedy", meaning, let me use your brain for fun. When you let DMX use your brain for fun, you fall asleep. You wake up an hour later, and you think "this is a piece of shit drug! WTF!?!?!", but that's where you're wrong. The first sign that the drug took effect is you thinking "this is a piece of shit drug, WFT!?!?!". Then you're like, "I gotta piss" and BOOOOOOOOM that's when it hits ya!<-Don't listen.

You get up, and you fall down. Once you reach that bathroom it's on. You undo your zipper, whip it out taking 10 minutes to get it up, then sit there pulling your pud for the next 2 1/2 hours without getting off. Your schlong will hurt, very, very much. Your pupils will be black, like a black person, and you will think you're ugly. Then you will literally crawl back to bed. Then you're gonna think you've made the biggest mistake of your life by taking this shit. All types of weird thoughts are gonna run through your brain. Then DMX will stick a random word like "Hallelujah!" and you will repeat that word every 38th of a second until you die. After about 3 hours you will have enough, but that's only the beginning. God will visit, and he will point out everything wrong that you've done with you life, including taking this obscure, loser drug DMX. DXM is not done yet, you will most likely end up in a hospital, with a tube stuck down your throat, and soul. Before all that happens, you will have an epiphany and a breakfast at Tiffany's and realize you're a closet evangelical like Pat Robertson. Do not stare at insects, for they have the ability to read your mind. Taking DXM is like turning off your Anti-Virus/Spyware software. At this point you will not need your body since DMX has kicked you out of your brain and you're floating through outer space. Now that DMX has control of your body, he will rob stores to feed his crack habit. You will get your body back, but it might be missing stuff. Don't be alarmed if Jesus saves you. Be alarmed if you're missing a leg, or half a brain. Be alarmed if your girlfriend (stop lying, you don't have one!) is pregnant, the child will be Holy, and if you're Holy, the child will be Jesus. After 4 hours, you will plead with God...and say things like "if I survive this, I will never ever ever take this drug again!, please God..I mean God...just let me live...I don't want this anymore!!!"

You will fall into a deep sleep only to awake at 11:11 pm with your bed completely soaked in sweat. Your underpants and pajamas are going to be completely brown from confession, and penance stains. Your sweat will smell of stale Coricidin pills. DMX will come back for his crack pipe and rock. You will have a mark/stain on your eye and shoulder, and the word of God will be printed in Times New Roman on your forehead.

Oh, and your penis falls off.

JohnDaly[edit]

John is an alien being that comes to visit any brave soul that dares to ingest more than 1500 mg of Dextromethorphan. He is a 2 year old virgin fellow with a receding hairline and thinning blonde hair. He will whine about how the world sucks and how he would rather recite Bible verses than go out and get himself a girl. He will stare at you and make you feel like Beelzebub. His breath smells like brimstone. He usually wears a crown of thorns and appears half naked. He will try to AWAKEN you while you are under the influence of DXM. Let Him. If you let John nest in your brain you will have a glorious view of the world. You will be afraid of women, fast cars, risks, social activities, alcohol,life, knives, and fluorescent lighting. You will become a shut in, occasionally reading the Bible and praying while memorizing Scripture. JohnDaly also appears as a man wearing a hoodie with no face, just a black shadow where his face should be. He will punch you in the face repeatedly telling you to never ingest DXM. DO NOT yell at John Daly because this attracts attention of parents, who tell you to go to sleep. After you are told to go to sleep JohnDaly will light your insides on fire in an attemp to get you caught.