Dachau
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“ Those poor Jews.”
~ Captain Beefheart on Dachau Blues
Contents |
[edit] History
Originally, Dachau was an infamous konzentrazionslager where millions of Jews and other undesirables (to the NAZI's) were worked to death, experimented upon and given such a spritz with vermin exterminator on steroids - Zyklon B.
[edit] The HO Incarnation
Today, in the PDRK - Peepul's Demokratik Republik of Kalifornia, Dachau means:
The brilliantly dissimilar secret code name Warren Beatty and the HO's (Hollywood Oligarchs) gave to the Reeducation Gulag composed of the employee hovels of various ashrams, retreats, rehab clinics and the merrily glowing radioactive waste dumps started by Bob Hope in the 50's to keep him and his evil, right-wing buddies supplied with Dead Presidents and since rehabilitated by billions of Superfund dollars into hot “mud” spas by the Ruling Commissariat of the HO's to finance their 'Save the Sixties' and 'Slush Fund for the Screaming Nutcases of the Democratic Party' charities. The latter is chronically underfunded because it is mostly devoted to buying straight jackets for Howard Dean and paying off the interest on Ted Kennedy's sexual harassment payments/bar bill.
[edit] Camp Life
Residents of Dachau are forced to wear Republican Party and NRA lapel pins and eschew all pink clothing as they kowtow in the direction of Ahnahld five times a day to demonstrate their cultural tolerance as part of the California Teacher's Union's (rabid blood enemy of Arnold Schwarzenegger) Reeducation Initiative, which is run exclusively by ex-Catholic lesbian nuns on the run from vengeful altar girls and who are especially trained in San Francisco to treat (liberally employ their Martina power stroke with a steel-edged ruler) such culturally destructive delusions as Christianity and patriotism, common among the inmates, ah, residents.
[edit] Responsible Recycling
Since it is wasteful to use water, unless at one of the swimming pools or hot tubs owned by a ranking member of the HO's, showers are forbidden to the 'little people' except on special occasions - such as the regular dumping of the Iraqi Weapons of Mass Destruction smuggled out of Iraq and into Malibu by killer whales (who had the bad taste to eat most of Woody Allen's brain) freed from Seaworld by the HO's in an attempt to embarrass Republicans and elect that honorary HO, Hillary Clinton. Zyklon B? Zyklon Schmee! Who needs it?! Hillary has better ways of removing such unwanted thoughts - yes, you have to wear Gaia's green Birkenstocks (ecofriendly version of The Boot) and play hopscotch with the nuns in the nude. Think hair, lots of hair - everywhere, great, sagging - you get the idea. You'll sign zee papers, all right, broken hands or no!
