Dahu

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The dahu is a real creature well known in France and Switzerland, also known as a Haggis in Northern England and Scotland.

The Dahu is Switzerland's national animal. There are four sub-species of Dahu: Clockwise, Counter-clockwise, Ascendit, and Descendit. The two most common types, Clockwise and Counter-clockwise, can only be seen traveling right or left around the sides of the alps. The Counter-clockwise Dahu has shorter front and back left legs, and only harnesses the ability to walk, as the name implies, counter-clockwise around the slope. The Clockwise, with shorter front and back right legs, can only walk clockwise around the mountain. The Ascendit Dahu, equipped with short front legs and long back legs, giving it the ability to travel up the mountain. The Descendit Dahu, with short back legs and long front legs, can only run down the cliff.


Problems with Direction[edit]

Although quite interesting creatures, the Dahu have very short life expectancies. The Clockwise and Counter-clockwise Dahu, because of their one-direction abilities, cannot turn around. If a "round-about," as it is commonly called, is attempted, they are subject to losing balance and falling to their death at the bottom of the hill. The Dahu can also reach their demise when a Clockwise and a Counter-clockwise meet at a point upon the cliff. Because of their inability to roundabout, the two creatures are locked in a staring contest until one keels over and dies. Usually, both Dahu die before either one is able to pass. When the Ascendit and Descendit meet, they merely run into each other and tumble back to the bottom. The Ascendit Dahu is subject to a cruel and painful death when it reaches the top of the slope it climbs. When this happens, the Ascendit is unable to descend the mountain, thus falls over the other side and onto the road raging waters below. The Descendit, however, is usually killed when it reaches the bottom of of the cliff and drowns in a river or is hit by an oncoming vehicle.

The Legend Lives On[edit]

Cedric Ebiner, an expert in the art of podium sliding, is the only man alive to own a Dahu, except for Oprah. Mr. Ebiner is a retired Swiss Army Bicycle-Grenadier and a current High School Latin Teacher/Swiss-watch repairman. He is also credited with inventing the languages of French, Latin, and certain parts of Spanish. His dahu resides in the backyard of his residence in Raging Waters, California. Cedric has installed a small mountain in the backyard for his Clockwise Dahu to roam around. Although proud of his pet, he has recently complained to local officials about the rising amount of American, Swiss, and Japanese tourists coming to his residence to see the Dahu. Reports are yet to confirm whether the tourists have come seeking the Dahu or simply some quality Swiss-watch repair.


Oprah, who owns everything, breeds Dahu in her 4th story bathroom.

The Dahu and the Mariachi Sniper[edit]

The dahu is also credited with helping Cedric escape the notorious Mariachi Sniper, who was the number 11259 criminal on the America's Most Wanted list a few years ago. The dahu and Cedric went to the apartment complex the Mariachi Sniper was living in to make the sniper turn down his loud mariachi music. The sniper pulled out a gun and came down to meet Cedric and his pet in the street. The dahu (walking with his shorter legs on the curb of the sidewalk) was startled by the sniper, so it quickly spun around, causing it to fall onto its side. The sniper saw Cedric and started to chase him. He did not see the dahu lying on the street and tripped over it while chasing Cedric. As he was falling, the sniper shot Cedric in the lower back, but Cedric recovered fully. The Mariachi Sniper was apprehended minutes later, and the dahu was unharmed and is still living with Mr. Ebiner to this day.

The Dahu and Hollywood[edit]

The dahu has also been featured in many American motion pictures. Its screen credits include The Terminator, the Pirates of the Caribbean trilogy, and Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs, to name a few. The dahu has won multiple Academy Awards as a group for its screen roles, including the coveted Best Supporting Animal award for The Wizard of Oz. The dahu is also expected to appear in Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows later this year.

Natural Enemies[edit]

The Dahu is not a very ferocious, smart, or generally useful animal. Yet none the less, it is still considered endangered and can not be hunted at anytime. However, it's numbers are dropping drastically. Recent reports have come in noting the possibly siting of American Bald Eagles, spotted soaring high over the Swiss Alps. Cedric Ebiner, for fear of the Eagle, has thus installed a dome around his make-shift mountain.

Other Information[edit]

  • Taken directly from Wikipedia on 29 April 2007, 22:43 AM [Article Concerning the Dahu on Wikipedia, which has absolutely no sense of humor]. Therefore, this article is licensed under the GNU Free Documentation License [1]. It uses material from the Wikipedia article "Dahu" with exception to the words in bold and the headings, which were made a little fancier to add a sort of aesthetic quality to the article you are looking at.
  • In addition, Wikipedia has deleted/altered this article many times. This proves that Wikipedia is in denial that this wonderful animal exists.

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