Daley Dynasty
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The Daley Dynasty is a Dynasty of kings known for benevolence, decency, ethics, honesty, honorablity, morality, principle, trustworthiness, truthfulness and lack of corruption in the greater Chicagoland area and her hinterlands. Crook County encompasses the larger Thiefdom surrounding Chicagoland and this area comes under the jurisdiction of The Sheriff of Crook.
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[edit] The Rise of the Dynasty
In A.D. 1622, the greater Empire Carpet Co. owned and mercilessly exploited all those in her domain. By dialing 800-588-2300, all were cruelly subjugated under the tyrannical wrath of a mysterious moustashioed man. After camping out in BridgeFort eating kielbasa for ten days and twenty nights, the Knights of Daley led the revolt which freed those in the Chicagoland area from low property taxes, and was born the credo all Chicagoans know today: "Oh, look at those low rates!".
[edit] Daley Nutritional Requirements
Henceforth all subjugates of the Daley Clan have dined on Deep Dish Pizza, Polish Sausage, Fried Chicken, French Fries, Gyros, Hamburgers, Pork Chop Sandwiches, Soda Pop and any other delicacy high in saturated fat.
[edit] The Titles of the Clan
The Daley Clan has acrued many titles over the generations. Some of the titles:
- Enlightened One
- Blameless Impartial Ruler
- Destroyer of Airports
- Keeper of Law
- True Believer in the Decency of Man
- Glorious Slayer of O'Winfrey Dragon
- Dear Leader
- the 7024th member of the Wu-Tang Clan
- Virtuous Mick
- Tithe Innovator
[edit] Famous Personages in the Daley Dynasty
- Daley I - 'Protector of the peace', Crusher of the Hippie Onslaught of '68, Defender of White Flight, he ordered his Royal Chicago Police to "Shoot to dream that all men are created equal". He added "...by any means neccessary."
- Viscount Balthazar Daley - A visionary and munificent ruler who treated his subjects to a delightful three night pyrotechnics display in 1871.
- Made Fresh Daley - A local minstrel who is also known as DJ McWhopper.
- Teenage Mutant Ninja Daley - A long lost family member from NYC Prefecture, the TMND as he is known slices deep dish with blinding accuracy.
- Daley Vitamin - A very small and supplemental Daley, she will give you 67% of your zinc for the day.
[edit] The Knights of Daley
The Knights of Daley ride in glorious hired trucks, bravely hibernating in dense urban union cronyism.
- Celozzi-Ettleson Chevrolet
- Eagleman
- Victory Auto Wreckers
- Peter Francis Geraci - The most decorated of all the knights, he mercilessly paid broadcasters for you to hear about INFO TAPES.
- Moo & Oink
- Ditka
- Linda Yu
- Billy Corgan
- Lincoln Carpeting (call NA-29000)
- Harry Caray
- Nesita Kwan
- Elwood Blues
- Nuts On Clark
[edit] Achievements of the Clan
- This just in from NBC 5 News, NBC 5 has learned of a corruptio- WHACK! plop. fall down, roll over. "Hey Frank, dis guy here was gonna rat on th- OH SHIT! Turn that thing off!"
[edit] Trivia
- The current ruler of Chicagoland is King Daley II, which means there was a Daley I before him, and no one before him but Potawatomi savages.
- The dynasty has become inbred over the past few generations, resulting in an adipose fin on all Daley males, which when made into a soup is believed to bring enhanced virility to the person consuming it.
- All this trivia is totslly made up.
- OHMYGODOHMYGOD HE'S A LEO!
- Ruthless American political machine family.
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