Dalhousie

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Dalhousie[edit]

First things first, Dalhousie is located in New Brunswick. It has wonderful climate and it is very unlikely to recieve snow. However, when we do recieve snow expect to get a visit from the Snow Ca Ca's. They are rougly eighteen feet tall and only weigh ten pounds. (Scary? Oh god, I know!) They come searching for homosexuals and do terrible things to them. They collected almost twenty each year. Even if someone only believes that they are a gay or may be questioning if they are or not, they will go after them and remove their genitals sending them back to society.

Just some History[edit]

Dalhousie was founded technically by some eskimo's in 586 bc or something. They came to our town in search of amazing heat. However, education to eskimos was not founded until 600 bc which means they didn't think of taking off their furs and coats causing them all to die from heat stroke. So later on, in 756 BC, Egyptians came over to sell gold. They became impressed by our rocky, uncomfortable sands on our beachs. Sir King Egypto said that if they immigrated to this land that not so many egyptians would become blind since their original sand back in..uh... egypt is so golden! They immediately sent ships to get half of the population and turned Dalhousie into a psyco town! Sir King Egypto decided to name the town Dalhousie after a shemale he had an affair with back in ethiopia. Yup.. messed up.

Population[edit]

The population of Dalhousie consists of only three types of people. The Too Old (Incapable of moving away) The Stuck Betweeners (Incapable of moving away) The Too Young (Incapable of moving away)

Those of the too old section of population mainly reside in old peoples homes. They are basically trapped in there and have no where else to go! Those who are stuck betweeners basically have minium wage jobs but believe that its a perfect place for children here in Dalhousie; Nothing ever happens.. EVER! Those who are too young (between the ages of 0-17) basically have no choice but to wait til of age or til graduation to leave this shit hole!

Recognizable Citizens[edit]

Johnny Chimpo- Believes that he his Donkey Kongs brother. Recognized for outstanding loyalty to his super nintendo! Great Job Johnny! To see a recent photograph of him, click the link. http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Image:French_surrendermonkey.jpg

Lulu Fontaine- Founded the french language in our community! Stupid Wench! She can be found still hanging from a monument built to reflect frenchism. She is hanging by her always french, never english tongue. Some hope that you may rest in peace dear Mrs. Jerk.. I mean Fontaine! Heres a picture of her http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Image:2lulu.JPG

Shantic Shanty Man- Shantic built the first Shanty, however, he built it of tough iron in which people build trains with. The poor man sank so fast... He will be missed.

Shantic Shanty Woman- (Yes, its his wife) She pursued her husbands dreams and created a wooden shanty in which all loved and admired. Presently, many men in the winter week fish in this shanty sometimes staying there too long to the time when ice melts. They will be missed.

Helga Edweena- immigrated from Salem. creator of the snow caca. Thank you for creating a way to to get rid of those stupid gays!!

Past Events[edit]

Junkie Bingo ~ This was a time when all of the folks from down country come on up and play some bingo with our elders. Fantastic prizes were won, including some tore up mud flaps and a gift certificate for Dalhousie Muffler.. value of 57 cents.

Deluxe Junkie Bingo ~ once again all of those country folk came up to play some bingo. Damn those folk!! They won all of the bottled mill stink!

Elderly Church Bingo ~ This bingo was put on my the Catholic Women. There wasn't that great of a turn out since they gave out crosses for prizes. Who the hell wants a cross?

Bon Ami ~ The annual festival of Bon Ami. A time when adults have an excuse to call in sick because of a hang over. The parade, above all, is the greatest event in the festival. Come watch some horses and some sucky baton twirlers. Oh! I mustn't forget those midget elders in their cars! The parade is roughly ten minutes long. Candy is also thrown out to the crowd, however, it is unsafe to feed this candy to your children; The candy is older than Sir King Egypto himself!

Snow-icane ~ The worst snow storm Dalhousie has ever faced. Citizens were trapped inside their homes for the entire winter season. This was not entirely bad for all cizitens, especially the gays. They had perfect hiding against the Snow CaCa's!

Random Facts[edit]

- Dalhousie is the birthplace to King Tut

- Paris Hilton visited Dalhousie in search of a redneck to co-star in her next Porn Flick!

- Elton John visited the town on Christmas '95. His visit was cut short, however, since the Snow CaCa's were on the move.

- The butter churner was invented in Dalhousie

- The first christmas tree decorations were created in Dalhousie on Christmas 1807 by a young lad called FixAvier Lapointe. He decorated the pine with beer cans and hubcaps.