Dan Kolb
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“Kolb on a cob, or is that Corn on a Cob?”
~ Oscar Wilde on Dan Kolb
“Curses! Foiled again by that evil motherfucker!”
~ Dick Dastardly on Dan Kolb
Contents |
[edit] About Dan Kolb
Daniel Lava Kolb was born to Julius and Lucifer on March 29, 1975 in Sterling, Illinois. He started his works as a book artist, but then failed. His real father, Julius, is a trained wizard and constantly sucks energy to the Mana Tree on Earth. Dan Kolb tried to be an aspiring pitcher in some baseball league, but failed. In 2007, Julius' evil energy sapped him of his career, and mysteriously retired. Many believe he is going to be the next Dark Lord of Finland, but has his sighted on the sacred Mana Tree in Romania. He soon devastated Wikiland with causing monsters to appear and cause earthquakes around the land. Dan Kolb also has the power to go back in time, and cause random events of evil.
[edit] 2008 and beyond
Dan Kolb soon became too evil and started World War IV, but his powers were too great to be handled. He shot his sword with his right hand, and is responsible for many deaths. He hides out in Granz Castle in Germany, where he has killed Fred Phelps once. It has been rumored he has been responsible for massive bloodbaths in the world. He may have killed the Rodmark 2 and Oprah in one day, but his hopes were lost when they were revived by Satan. This wasn't true and he soon scourged evil in the land, causing the Nike Revolution of 2006 and the so-called doomsday in 2012.
[edit] Facts about Dan "Lava" Kolb
Here are true facts about Dan Kolb.
- Dan Kolb is immune to being shot at or stabbed with a knife.
- Dan Kolb has a third eye that may be why he retired from baseball.
- Dan Kolb is one of the JFK killers.
- Dan Kolb breathes fire on bad days, and shoots swords out of his right hand.
- Dan Kolb is made of all eight elements, and has no known weakness.
- Dan Kolb somehow killed Mark Twain and Oscar Wilde on a very bad night on May 12, 2063, but he died the next day. He was brought back to life by Julius a week later.
- Dan Kolb was a professional wrestler in 1996, but got kicked out from the WWF because they sensed evil from him.
- Dan Kolb eats any poisonous creatures and withstand the toxin, and not get sick.
- Dan Kolb is the only person who is allowed to comb Sal Fasano's mustache. If someone else tries, Kolb and Fasano will sic killer rabbits on them.
- Dan Kolb killed Selena.
[edit] In Conclusion
If you see Dan Kolb, please report him to the FBI. But don't let him catch you, or he will kill you with his sword. Some say he has two pet Grues that patrol him, like they are his bodyguard, but his true bodyguards are not known. Bloodshed is his favorite word because he causes it every day. This is why Dan Kolb was kicked out of baseball: because he has strong ties to the Mafia, even though he's not Italian. Another reason he was kicked out because he fought with Tennessee Williams and won with him running away scared because of casting spells.
He increased security around the castle, and now lasers shoot everywhere, causing destruction on police forces, local agencies, Emos and even Gerard Schroeder. The only people that can save him is not Tony La Russa and Oscar Wilde, but it's up to Marty McFly, Dr. Emmett Brown, and you to save the world from complete destruction by Dan Kolb.
[edit] Links
- His friend's webpage
- Wikipedia - a website he vandalizes in an Alternate Universe
- Pope - somebody that wants to banish him to Hell.
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