Daron Malakian
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“Why didn't I think of using friends to shave my beard?”
“Why are we hated for expressing our feelings and being unique?”
~ Daron Malakian on Emo
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[edit] History
Daron Malakian was the guitarist, sub vocals and song writer for System of a Down. He wasn't even listed as a member in the band until in the third album when he had (badly) written a song. Back in the days, Serj Tankian would shave Daron's beard and look after his appearance until Daron rebelled which caused the band's hiatus.
[edit] The Emo Stage
The band started when the members of System of a Down were all in the local bar drinking malt vinegar as they do to get that distinct vocal sound, when they got onto the subject of their births, everyone was shocked to find out that Daron was the only one to be born in America. This caused a huge argument and later ended in a drunken scuffle on the floor between Serj and Daron. Serj won by smacking Daron in the face with a vinegar bottle. bleeding and broken, he began to cry "Why don't you just go for the artery?". Daron then decided the band should go on hiatus for some strange reason, because he's weird like that. Daron secretly plotted to avenge Serj by creating his own wonderful band. "I'll show you!" he said. Serj and Shavo laughed in his face, "John, remember that time we smuggled drugs into Mexico and I bailed you out?" "Yeah?" replied John. "I'm calling in the favor, now come with me, to BROADWAY!"
Serj and Shavo laughed in their faces and drank more vinegar. This is SPARTA how Scars on Broadway was founded, before being dismissed two days later.
[edit] After splitting up
Daron ended up in an Emo Clinic, before escaping and learning the arts of 'Hobo' from a man on the street. He found John in a back alley and said "Let's restart Scars on Broadway!". John, with no other choice decided to agree as long as he got minimum wage while Daron took all of the credit and was allowed to keep his hobo beard.
Serj decided to go solo and write strange songs while wear an Abe Lincoln suit in a Children's Park for a disturbing music video before he was sued for molestation.
[edit] Present
Daron rang up Serj after meeting with John. He told Serj that he would fail, this caused Serj to write the song "Lie, Lie, Lie", the lyrics were originally about pushing Daron off of a cliff but then he had to change it about a women to stop Daron from cutting himself and becoming bisexual, fortunately he was a hobo by the time he heard it.
To try and bring Serj back, Daron written a song about how he used to drink Vinegar, feeling Serj and grabbing his ass under the covers. The record holders told Daron that Serj's name is copyright so he ended up changing the name to Chemicals.
[edit] Games that feature Daron
1994 - Doom, Turk Edition as the main protagonist, he created a time machine to go back to some war and kill turks.
1996 - Super Mario 64, Daron was believed to be a possible unlockable character in the game, as a plaque in the courtyard that rumoured to say "They Say I'm All About To Come", however the meaning isn't clear. I found this out by a hobo that claimed to work for Nintendo, I'm sure he wasn't lying. Seriously.
2008 - Fuck The World! The Game He was an unlockable character, he used his singing to destroy the environment and wipe out species.
2009 - Guitar Hero Fan Edition. Neversoft decided that the only way to create a decent Guitar Hero game was to listen to the fans, it featured every Dragonforce song in existence and a couple of System of a Down songs, no Scars on Broadway though.
2010 - History Channel: Armenian Hunting. Daron was apparently found in this game after you fly over to America to search for more pray. The game crashes after you fly to America.
