Darryl Wolski

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Darryl Wolski is a promoter, douchebag, entrepreneur and faggot from Brandon, Manitoba, Canada. His latest endeavour has included X-Fest, a summer music festival in the Brandon area that boasts exciting bands such as Theory of a Nickelfault, and any other group that resembles a pack of retarded, poodle-haired monkeys with rhyming dictionaries (Chad Kroeger). This festival is also known to those over the age range of 14-20 as "Who in the fuck would pay $120 to listen to the same shitty song, over and over, for an entire fucking weekend? It makes me want to drink myself to death, and I can't even do that with the fucking six dollar beers they sell! For fucks sake!"-fest.

Since the apparent success of X-Fest 2007 (and by success we mean an over-abundance of 14 year old girls for Darryl to gawk at from his "I'm too damn fat and lazy and important to walk so I make someone chauffeur me in this" cart.. or, official X-Fest golf cart, as we're pretty sure he called it. Let's call it the Arrogant, Pretentious, Lard Ass express). Anyway, since the 'success' of whatever the fuck that was, he decided to ruin two beautiful summer evenings with X-Fest 2008. After the presumed success of this event, Darryl Wolski has announced to the citizens of Brandon that he will erect a 120 foot gold-plated, bedazzled statue of himself, portrayed as Greek God, on the front lawn of his 'trendy' square house with its 'bitchin' stainless steel garage door, complete with gas guzzling, advertisement-plastered SUV parked half in the street, half on the lawn as he was probably pissed drunk when he parked it.

He is best known for creating the controversial "Battle of the Hockey Enforcers" tournament, in which hockey players brawled like pussies on ice for cash prizes. He established the event in 2003, although legal complications prevented the tournament from taking place until 2005. After two yeas of kissing ass and sucking just the right cocks (likely in the hundreds), the event was held in Prince George, British Columbia, after Winnipeg smartly refused to host it. Coincidentally, Prince George is full of retarded, poodle-haired monkeys with rhyming dictionaries, and he rumor has it he promised them Cheez-Its and free Theory of a Nickelfault CDs for attending the event.

Wolski is a political conservative prick. He campaigned for the Brandon City Council in 1995 and finished a poor third against future cabinet minister Drew Caldwell. He justified his loss by saying, "There's so many communists that live in that area, so I didn't expect to win." Darryl obviously confused the term communist with citizens that actually think on their own free will and are capable of not choosing an arrogant, pretentious, pompous ass as their cabinet minister.


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