Darth Vado
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The Jee Man Himself has Shown, in His infinite Wisdom, that He is the Ultimate Purveyor of all things Awesome, Nifty, Spiffy, and generally Interesting. He has personally Reviewed this article and Given His Blessing. The submitter may be Forgiven three venial sins or one mortal sin.
| Black Jesus be down wit' dis sheeeet! Yo Yo Yo! Wut' it iz mutha fucka! Darth Vado iz like da bomb. |
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“I vowed in my childhood to take revenge on 4Kids Tv”
~ Darth Vado on Himself
“You can't get more awesome than me”
~ Darth Vado on Himself
“There is a very good reason I'm in this box.”
~ Solid Snake on Darth Vado
“I won 2,000 rupees from Link and Ganondorf last night in Hyrule poker!”
~ Darth Vado
“GOOD GOD! WHY ARE MY ALL MIGHTY TACOS!? WHY POOKIE!? WHY!!??”
~ Crazy Hand on Darth Vado
“Darth Vado is a columbine simulator..”
~ Jack Thompson on Darth Vado
“Your face is a columbine simulator bitch!”
~ Darth Vado on Jack Thompson
“Darth Vado literally....gave the sound effect....."bazonk"....a whole new meaning.”
~ Christopher Walken on Darth Vado killing you
“I don't know why but I have an obsession with shooting this guy in the back”
~ Fox McCloud on Darth Vado
“All your base are belong to us!”
~ Darth Vado on favorite quotes
“Give me back my triforce Vado!”
~ Link on Darth Vado
“Hey man I won it fair and squa....OWWWW! My crotch!”
~ Darth Vado on Link
“Feel the wrath of my crotchshot, take that bitch!”
~ Link on Darth Vado
“I hate you.”
~ God on Darth Vado
“Master hand and crazy hand are my homeboys.”
~ Darth Vado on Master hand and crazy hand
“Jackie Chan and Bruce Lee were my greatest challenges”
~ Darth Vado on greatest challenges
“Say hello to my little friend”
~ Darth Vado on little friend
“Kamehamehaaaa!”
~ Darth Vado on the fact that you SO expected a Scarface spoof
Contents |
[edit] Biography (birth)
Darth Vado was created when special agent Bob and secret agent steve(two of the finest offical unoffical line of splinter cells)were in high school. Their absent-minded teacher accedentally gave them cells of many of the greatest fighters and intellects ever known for a biology assignment.When the teacher realized his mistake he figured Bob and Steve would just screw up and come up with some new fat jokes about Steve and call it biology. The teacher was horrified to find out that they infact did their assignmentand created some ultimate life form.He took it from the future splinter cell operatives and took it home with him. While in his car the teacher was watching Borat in his hummer.After the first few minutes he stated "God this movie is so F**king funny I fell like crashing into stuff. He then crashed through the wall of a sperm bank and the petri dish with the ultimate life form flew out and landed in a sperm petri dish. The sperm from that dish went into the ultimate life form's dish so the teacher didn't notice. As time went on this life form began to grow and soon became an infant humanoid. One of the hottest female workersdiscovered him and took him in as her own. His new mother turned out to be a lesbian(freaking awesome). The woman's name was Narumi(translates to totally freakin hot lesbian in japanese)and her do-in-the-assable lover's name was Hinata 18(means 18 hot do-in-the-assable lesbians in japanese). The two lovers found it strange that every time they breast fed this child they thought they heard him say "freakin sweet" or "All right" but they mearly dismised the idea.
[edit] Adolecence
Narumi and Hinata 18 brought their child,whom they named Vado and is now 13, up and entered him into the best school they could find,at age 5, which was a school that was near them. The school's name was Bullworth academy. The school originally had a bad rep but it cleaned it's ass up and became the best school in the continent. Narumi and Hinata 18 signed Vado up for a year to board there and go to school there. Narumi and Hinata 18 decided to use this time to go on a romantic and kinky honey moon. At first Vado was excited about the new school but he quickly learned that the school was infested with Bullies.These douche bags constantly harassed Vado. Vado had a dog who he was very close to, the bitch's name was Sarah. These bullies even went as far as to hold Vado down and force him to watch as they beat his beloved dog to death. It was then that Vado first witnessed his own power. Vado suddenly felt an enormous surge of power flow through his own body and within half a F**king second he tore one of the assailents heart out blew up another one's brain and totally dismembered the body of his dog's attacker. Knowing that he couldn't possibly face anybody at the school or his parents after this event Vado ran away. A shadowy figure saw the whole incident and took great interest in Vado. When Vado made some milage from the school the figure appeared before Vado. The figure introduced himself as Aion. Aion told Vado that if Vado came with him Aion could teach him to control his powers and live a happier life. Vado went with Aion in hopes of becoming able to use his powers to better the world. Aion took Vado to his organization's base and introduced him to each of his new tutors. Aion would tutor Vado academically, Million Knives was his tutor on philosiphies, and Broly was his physical tutor. Vado spent the next 7 years of his life honing his skills and mastery of his powers.
[edit] Adulthood
Finally at age 20 Vado finished his training. During his training Vado acheived the rank of Darth and was tutored in his fighting technique by Sephiroth. When it was time to leave, Aion told Darth Vado to live a normal life until he called Vado. Darth Vado obeyed and became a game designer/tester/porn guru/porn star(nicknamed Dirty Sanchez)/ruler of Hyrule/general of Link's army/general of Ganon's army and video taper of Link's and Ganon's battle from Twilight Princess.It was during this time that Darth Vado became friends with Link and Ganondorf, won their triforces in a Hyrule poker game, developed his hatred towards Jack Thompson; fought Jackie Chan and Bruce Lee, invented the ass-scratching satelite, attempted to murder Ranma Satomie and Akane Satomie, and met, had hot kinky sex with, and married Hinata Hyuga (A.K.A Pinata Calada). As time went on Darth Vado began to control the corporate market. Darth Vado soon became so powerful that he gained control over the world. Darth Vado's first act as ruler of the world was to outlaw any form of racism. Darth Vado stepped up his game when it came to preexisting laws.An example was that using any narcotic was an automatic death penalty. Darth Vado also liked to use nukes to solve his worst global problems. Iraq was nuked, Afganistan was nuked, the stripe of land the Palisteins and Isralis were fighting over was nuked, and once he almost sent a nuke at his location but managed to stop himself from accidently launching it. During the next 3 years he would meet Midna and Marry her along with Android 18, Lucy Liu, Naru, Mutsumi, Kitsune, Shinobu, Excel Excel, Hyatt Excel, Krystal(fox girl in picture above and no it is not beastiality she is from another galaxy. P.S. this probably why Fox Mc'Cloud likes shooting Vado in the back), Ropponmatsu 1 and 2, Pamela Anderson, Motoko(for the hell hell of it), Orihime,(to be ontinued). Darth Vado was exhausted from having so much hot kinky sex with all his wives when he was shot in the back by Fox McCloud for the second time (first time being when he was fighting Shigeru Miyimoto). Then Goku, That Bastard Naruto, Luffy, and that guy with the moustache attacked Vado nearly killing him. Darth Vado recovered but he, for no reason at all, developed a phobia of Samus Aran. Darth Vado teamed up with Pallyman, all his wives, a taco, Invader Zim, G.I.R, that guy with the beard, The Alliance of next generation system fanboys(A.N.G.S.F), Sonic, Shadow, Venom, Galactus, the all mighty crotchshot, Link, Ganondorf, their army's, Ultimate Jesus, (to be continued).Goku and company also assembled an army of people I don't feel like typing.An action-packed action battle ensued many face offs took place but I will let you use your imagination. The ultimate showdown ended with Darth Vado fighting Goku. The two fought evenly but the fight ended with Darth Vado shoting Goku in the crotch with the crotchshot. Darth Vado then spontaneously had hot kinky hardcore sex with Zelda. This caused Link to shoot Darth Vado in the crotch with the crotch shot. Darth Vado stood the pain and married Zelda. 12 years would pass until Aion called Darth Vado. Darth Vado was now 35 years old and was yet again having hot kinky hardcore sex with all his wives when his all mighty cellphone rang. When Darth Vado answered it Aion was on the other line. Aion said"Yo, playa I heard all the good news about you conquering the world and getting laid and married to all those women, but this is not what I called you for."Darth Vado replied"well what did you call for, you're interrupting sexy time with my wives, we're playing..........sex."Aion then said" sorry I was just calling you about the city known as Rabbid City.""What about it"Vado said."there has been a large outbreak of the R-Virus, it's causing everyone infected to turn into awesomely hilarious retarded Rabbids."Reported Aion."Oh, yeah I was just planning on nuking that area"Answered Darth Vado." I wouldn't do that if I were you."suggested Aion."Why?"questioned Vado.Aion answered"because the man who holds the key to humiliating and killing Jack Thompson is in their along with the guy who wrote this article on uncyclopedia.""Crap we have to save them!"Vado replied. Vado then assembled his army and traveled to Rabbid City in slow motion for dramatic affects. Unfortunately, they traveled so slowly that the city was destroyed by the time they got their along with the guy who wrote this article and the guy with the key to powning and killing Jack Thompson(this is why Jack Thompson is still alive).Luckily the guy who wrote this article's roommate survived and carried on his legacy. Darth Vado then fell into a deep depression for about 2 seconds before he got over it, stopped caring and realized nobody cares.
[edit] Known Aliases
[edit] Fights
Darth Vado Has Fought Inumarable battles over the years:
Darth Vado vs Bruce Lee: Win, this is why Bruce Lee is dead
Darth Vado vs Jackie Chan: lose, gave Jackie Chan his current powers
Darth Vado vs Minja (Midget Ninja): Loss, couldn't bring himself to hurt him
Darth Vado vs Chuck Norris: Win, "Take that bitch!"
Darth Vado Vs the Cast of SSB: Lose, because he wanted to play the game
Darth Vado Vs. Crazy Hand: Win, that's why Crazy Hand tries to help Darth Vado: personal protection
Darth Vado Vs. Xtreme Vado: Tie, Darth Vado's awesomeness was too evenly matched with Xtreme Vado's Xtremeness
Darth Vado vs You: Win, You should remember, just bow when he enters
Darth Vado vs God: Win, started their current rivalry
Darth Vado vs Darth Vader: Win, because Darth Vado got angry at him for calling his name a rip off.
Darth Vado vs. Superman: win, Darth Vado sneezes kryptonite
Darth Vado vs. Stewie Griffin: Lose, Darth Vado is suceptible to laughing outbursts
Darth Vado vs. Shigueru Miyamoto: Lose, got shot in the back by Fox McCloud
Darth Vado Vs. Windows '95: forced it to perform an illegal operation: will close program immeadiatly.
Darth Vado Vs. The universe: Win. We live because Darth Vado chooses so.
Darth Vado vs. Ultimate Jesus: tie, resulted in current friendship
[edit] Personality and interests
- Coolest ultimate life form ever
- Enjoys doing with his wives
- Hates censorship
- Loves playing good RPG video games and Legend of Zelda games
[edit] Recent Accomplishments
Attained world domination, plowed Hinata, and married her
He also likes to eat children who don't watch his movie!!!
[edit] Darth Vado's homeboys
