David Anez

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“He recolored me!”

~ Oscar Wilde on David Anez

“I’m going to fucking bury that guy, I have done it before, and I will do it again. I’m going to fucking kill David Anez.”

~ Steve Ballmer on David Anez

David "OMG" Anez (more commonly known as The Author) is an "evil" omnipotent being born out of a time paradox involving cheese whiz and a Delorean. From the resulting space/time burp, he came to Earth during the terrifyingly wacky period humans only know as the 80's.

His initial plots to take over Greenland and other useless nations through controlling the laws of physics failed, and then he forgot the pay his car insurance. Because of this, he was forced to move to Tornado Alley to live for the some time before he succesfully traveled to the year 6666 to gain cloning technology for future plots. He ended up confronting and defeating the crazy porcupine beast known as Lavos. Upon the beast's defeat, Dave was sent backwards to the year 1999.3 repeating, forgetting to bring the stuff he went into the future for.

Five minutes before April 2000, he came up with the idea of abducting Megaman and introducing him to his failed monkey clones, Bob Dylan and George Foreman. The result was sprites, comics, sprite comics, Wily Beer, and a influx of Shouldermen conquering the Gobi Desert. Today, the region is know as "WRYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!"ia. Dave moved there in 2004+1 and meet his spawn mate Liss.

Today, both are breeding an army of kittens to succeed in taking over various small countries, while a cult full of n00bs worship and fund their plots of doom. Dave's cult currently consists of 100,000 members composed of humans, Tusken Raiders, Andorians, and a single E.T. ripoff named Ricardo.

Dave has many dark beings under his command, many of whom have gain followers in their own cults. Rick O' Shay is his right hand man, Despite being more lazy then anything concievable by humanity (He updates his comic once every two years. And he thinks it's normal to do so. That's how lazy he is.)His servent Disgruntled Ferret uses the dark and evil powers of MS Paint to brainwash innocent children. Even the mighty demon lord Karnak bows down to his will.

Bungie has been seen to be mobilizing Grunts to combat the fluffy horrors, but whether or not this will affect it's position in the WORTS (Wacky Organizations Run by Tacky Shisnos) is yet to be seen. It is also rumored that Dave's equally omnipotent brother, Helmut, is also plotting against him from a spiritual plane called the White Space.

[edit] Legal History

Dave has recently come into the public eye due to his court appearance as the victim of the well documented Sytel stalkings, when a duck had been following his every action for eightysix years.