David Oreck

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"This guy eats people!"

    - Captain Obvious on David Oreck

[edit] Early Life/Huge (but controvesial) Discovery

David Oreck was born in 421 in the magical land of CannibalVille. As a child, his mother would constantly bring in people who everybody thought died of a drug but actually died from being stabbed in the chest and than being eaten by David Oreck's mother (John Lennon, Elvis Presley, Buddy Holly, etc...). Once David Oreck became older, he decided to sell vacuum cleaners. David Oreck than ate B.B. King after a hard day of work. He discovered that skin could not be eaten! David Oreck than decided that he could make a vacuum out of people skin!

[edit] David Oreck's Huge Success and Downfall

In 1969, David Oreck finally created the new ORECK 8-ton vacuum (in yellow, red or black). People were like, "This vacuum is da shit yo!" (Snoop Dog on the ORECK vacuum before David Oreck ate him). After this horrifying incident, people started questioning what the vacuums were made of. Jesse Jackson snuck into the ORECK factory one day and discovered countless black, red and yellow skins hanging in a big-ass freezer. Then he saw them get thawn out by da D-Man himself, and then molded to a vacuum-cleaner shape. Jesse Jackson could not believe what he just saw. He than ran in to the molding room, and killed David Oreck instantly. At the funeral, the million-man march came and burnt him and his casket to absolutely nothing. Then they peed on the ashes. This was, both fortunately and unfortunately, the end of David Oreck's life.

[edit] Trivia

• The following celebrities were eventually used to make ORECK vacuums

    * Yoko Ono
    * Samuel L. Jackson
    * Michael Jordan
    * Shaq
    * Pocahontas
    * Scott Stapp (ya know, the singer for Creed?  still nothing, huh?)
    * Bobby Lee

• David Oreck is the longest living person ever. 421-1970 A.D.
• The Oreck factory was destroyed by the million-man march as well
• Shortly after, David Oreck ate them

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