Day
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The term Day has been used to describe a variety of things over the years.
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[edit] Jousting
In the earlier years, a day was the period of time it took two knights to meet in the centre of the ring during a jousting tournament. It would usually take many days before a knight could be eliminated from the competition, but occasionally a single-day clash would occur in which one of the knights would die during the first pass due to strange complications such as a cardiac arrest or acute leprosy. The amount of days it took a knight to defeat his opponent would be tallied up by a shadowy group of judges and retired travelling salesmen. The knight with the least amount of days at the end of the tournament would be crowned Champion of the Polar Arts and would get a free two-week trip to Iceland, all expenses paid.
[edit] Recent Uses
In more recent terms, a day has often been referred to as "The Day" by members of society who suffer from such diseases as Extreme Elderlosis and Nostalgia. Constantly alluded to in phrases such as "Back in The Day" and "Those were The Days" (note the plural), The Day is a period of time that many people wish they could revisit, but lack the time travelling technology to do so.
It is rumoured that things were "A lot better" back in The Day, but science has yet to declare this as fact. The mystery surrounding The Day prompted the formation of the Day Hunter's Committee of Concerned Nostalgiacs (DHCCN) which is currently in hiding for fear of oppression from those that prefer to live in the period of time known as The Present.
[edit] The Nightmare of Modern Times
A day is composed of two parts: day and night. Since a day is part of itself, days are infinite, and so are nights. Being days infinite there is absolutely no way that you can get out of a day, and even if you could you would end up in an equally infinite night, which is the same of a day with the exception that there is much less light and many more robberies. This unbreakable prison of time has been called the Nightmare of Modern Times.
It has also been stated (although, for obvious reasons, never proved) that even if you could get out of the infinite night (after somehow having managed to escape the previous infinite day) you would end up in an equally infinite day, also composed of day and night. This hypothetic infinite day after an infinite night after an infinite day is called the Next Day.
[edit] Unit of Time
A day is a unit of time.
A day is defined by the length of time between one sunrise and another sunrise. The ancients divided this period of time into 17 sections: sunrise, morning, tea time, noon, time to stop staring at the ceiling and actually get out of bed, afternoon, TV time, evening, night, bedtime, uncyclopedia-editing time, happy hour, midnight, porn-watching time, party time, pfizx (see below), and another sunrise.
Obviously, the ancients' system is not suited to a complicated society like our own. This is why some experts compicated things drastically by dividing up the day into a more "scientifical" system. The modern system (known as the Scientifical System) has a day unequally divided into 24 ounces, with the first ounce at sunrise. Each of the ounces is given a name according to the sound it makes when struck with a copy of the DVDSpirited away. Each ounce is then further divided into four quarters and spent on the DDR machine at the local arcade.
An alternate time system (the Mole Man System) was formed at approximately the same time as the Scientifical System. This system uses a system with 24 hours, each divided into 60 minutes. It should not be trusted because it was invented by the mole people to distract humans from the Holy Grail so that the mole people could steal it for themselves. Thankfully, the attempt was thwarted by Chuck Norris, who roundhouse kicked every mole man involved into submission. Unfortunately, the Mole Man system is still around. Do not trust anyone who uses the system. They are all Mole Men] in disguise.
-No one is sure what pfizx actually is, but the ancients insisted that it was essential to celebrate pfizx in order to preserve the fabric of space-time or something. Pfizx is not celebrated anymore, since Julius Caesar decreed in 1776 that Pfizx was to be replaced with Hanukkah which has since done the job fine.
[edit] Excitement Expression
"Dayssssssssssssssssssssssssss"
When expressing the unit of time in ecstatic writing, one will use the use of 26 letter S's. This will symbolize the enthusiasts excitement of the coming days.
[edit] See also
- Important Days in History.
- Bad days to be born on
The extra S's are showing how gay Mattie is!
