Dean Ashton
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[edit] Biography
A powerful, strong striker but is strangely going bald for someone so young, possibly because he eats his own hair.
Dean joined Crewe Alexandra as a youngster and, under the watchful eye of Dario Gradi was raped in the showers, he progressed through the ranks to make his introduction into League football in the 2000-01 season as Head of the Boot Cleaning Department.
He really hit the headlines in 2003-04 when he was involved in an argument with someone about something.
One of Dean's highlights was securing his first ever Football League hat-trick in a 3-2 win at Wigan (6-3-04) in which he converted two penalties with his large face, that night he managed to beat his own record of masturbating 7 times in one day.
Having previously played with himself for England at Under-19 level, he stepped up to the Under-21 side that season, knocking one out on his own in hotel rooms in both Holland and Sweden. Apparently some of the towels had red stains in them towards the end.
In the 2005-6 campaign his progress was interrupted by an amusing fractured forehead. Reports of Teddy Sheringham trying to skullfuck him were confirmed.
Dean broke his neck on the eve of the 2006-7 season during an England training session but hopes to return to the Hammers side before the end of the campaign in a wheelchair.
