Suge Knight

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
(Redirected from Death Row Records)
Jump to: navigation, search


Marion “Suge” (pronounced "sooj") Knight (commonly called Pig Knight, because of his proportions) born April 20, 1965 in an upscale brownstown in Compton, California is a bitch, and so is his wife. Suge Knight's a bitch, and that's on my life. Fat nigga has gained fleeting fame for Death Row Records. His label forever associated rap with “gangsta,” thus convincing millions of kids that acting like a psychotic thug constitutes Afro-American culture, and millions of white kids that they are, in fact, Afro-American. Thanks to Suge’s Pig's efforts, rap also became a viable target whenever government officials want to direct people away from their own crimes. He is also the fucker that got our Nigga King Tupac, shot on Sept. 7, 1996. He can be considered a "Gangsta" but mostly everyone, and more hated than Kevin Federline.

Standing 7'2" and weighing 500 lbs, Suge went to Liberty University, Sunnydale, on a broomball scholarship, and later became a replacement player for the All-American Girls Broomball League during the 1961 season. After briefly working in the sale department of the Kansas City Royals, he became a nihilist, and can be seen working the crowd during the 1963 assassination of John F. Kennedy.

It should be noted that Knight instituted a whole new form of 'rap initiations' for up-and-coming talent in the world of rapidly speaking negroes. When first a goofily named, do-rag-sporting, honky-hating, bitch-slapping, constantly replacing-the-r-in-any-given-word-with-an-a (i.e., nigga and muthafucka) fool came to Knight for money (see 'mad cheese' or 'buckets of duckets'), Knight would bend the fresh young rapper over his desk and mash half-a-dozen ice cubes into the rapper's rectum. This chilly form of rape can be linked to Knight's little-reported nickname, The Ice Cube Bandit. Coincidentally, O'Shea Jackson was the first rapper Knight initiated as such, so the stage name fits.

Knight is also a fan of the video game Frogger and has a 40GB collection of digital unicorn art in his closet full of ALL the unreleased material on Death Row Records.

Death Row[edit]

Knight founded Death Row in 1991 with Dr. Phil using drug money. From then until now, Pig Knight has always been a playa-hater, founding Death Row Records out of pure hatred. Death Row featured such artists as Snoop Dogg, Tupac Shakur, and Willam Shatner. Widespread rumors insist that he briefly signed MC Hammer, but this is demonstrably false, as not even Knight would stoop that low. Knight also enjoyed smacking down his employees. The company effectively folded after his imprisonment in 1997 on charges that he stole nine pies violated jail. Knight has always NOT maintained his innocence, and has repeatedly stated that he was framed by Black Jesus. Suge Knight also tried to frame Biggie Smalls for robbing a Popeye's Chicken, but cops saw that Biggie wouldnt fit through the door even if he was 1/10 his size.

End of Death Row Era[edit]

Upon his release, Knight attempted to reform the label as “Tha Row,” and even signed nutcase Lisa “Lazy Eye” Lopez under the pseudonym “N.I.N.A", but she mysteriously fell on her keys and died in 2002 after questioning the findings of the Warren Commission. Knight has returned to prison several times over parole violations and violent schoolyard scuffles. One such incident involved his paying The Ultimate Warrior to punch Dr. Phil at the Golden Raspberry Awards.

Knight has regularly presented himself as a thug and a man persecuted by the system. "I done nothing Karl Rove ain't done," he says, "And look where that got the mofo." He sold Death Row Records to GMG in 2007!! (ot swell for him. Ha ha ha!!!)

External links[edit]


Ballin.gif Stop hand nuvola alternate.svg This article isn't ballin'. Stop hand nuvola alternate.svg
Please rewrite it. All it needs is a little originality and thought. Be creative. Show the world how funny you are.