Death row

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Being a time honoured tradition, Death row has been trough many an ordeal in it's existence. It had it's highs but subsequently always knew rapid declines that resulted into deep lows. It often was the big shot and hung around but later silently departed. It sometimes was a gas, sometimes got hung up, often got under one's skin, but nearly always ended in some shock.

To put it mildly, It is kind of a mystery how DEATH ROW became one of the commoners favorite past times .

Origins[edit]

Waiting for you demise often took a couple of hours in 1942

Today most people think very lightly about death and the dealing of it upon others or themselves. Because of modern technology the death administering processes ( DAP's ) have advanced tremendously the last few decades. But in earlier time death was far more grim, unpleasant even. In these days of old making people dead took lots of time, effort and skill from the death dealers. This in all was not such a problem apart from times where the dealing of death was in much higher demand such as wartime including fast genocides. In these times of war, genocide or anarchy, the consumer need for death was so high that dealers of death could not keep up with demand. The demand was,infact, so great that special wartime death houses were build to manage the dealing of death through these dire times. This concept worked for a while until even more death was required in WWI. At this point long queues of people eagerly awaiting to be dealt death formed all over various occupied territories. Some people had to stand in line for hours, even days for the death bringers to deal them horrid dead.

Getting death was terribly popular during :

All These events took a large toll on the death bringers guild at the time and made it necessary for costumers to wait before one could finally properly receive one's death.

Death as a commodity item[edit]

A typical high-society method of being dealt death is the elitist death rho

The scarceness of death was such a big deal at those times that it actually became an very expensive endeavour. Being made dead by the death dealer of your choice during the second world war became so difficult and expensive that at the height of the demand many people had no choice other then choosing the nearest death dealer, even if this wasn't their favorite. In some cases people even survived against there will. The situation was dire, and the entire community of death bringers needed to take a break, so suddenly, as a result, peace broke out. After peace some small initial wars where again started in a controlled manner to experiment with marketing driven death bringing using an effective process on a industrial scale in order to keep the deathmarket able to keep up with customer demand in the future.

Death Row today[edit]

Since the arrival of modern tools such as :

  • Mass produced cheap semi automatic machine guns
  • Suitcase Sized Nuclear weapons
  • Toxic factories in neighbourhoods
  • terrorists

We no longer have to worry about death rows in order to receive death. If needs be, death can be in-stand now. If we need death we can have it !. It's that simple. The uses for death rows are long gone and are not likely to return since every day our global capability to deal death upon you gets more efficient and swift with an death industry that grows by a factor of 3.14 Lethal injections per financial quarter. To make sure that everybody can enjoy death whenever they please we have a firm worldwide network of tools, offices and events that ensure that you will never have to wait for death again. The Global factors that are maintained to ensure your customer satisfaction.:

  • Global insecurity
  • 32 guns per person in the world
  • Increased terrorism
  • More crime
  • Everything can kill you nowadays.


Death row as a hobby[edit]

World cup 1995 lava rowing.

Since , thanks to modern science and politics, death row is no longer needed, one would expect that the entire practice of waiting for once imminent demise would be a thing of the past. This is all but true, Ever since dealing and receiving death got more efficient there has been a loud voice preaching to preserve certain traditions and values that accompany death row. These people are the death row hobbyists and they try to preserve some of the history and legacy of the old death row times.

This phenomenon brought about that today's methods of becoming dead are getting more luxurious and elaborate.

Death row in Sports[edit]

In sports the most effective way to get death is the Lava boat world cup. Lava rowing is the ultimate death row competition. A flaming stream of lava is used as a river and rowing upstream towards the crater of imminent doom in the preferred method. The winning team of 1995 managed to get up to 200 meters of the crater before receiving flaming death.

Death row in music[edit]

Band like Megadeathrow and napalm death row are well known for there giant people crushing queues where fans can enjoy the music or find death. Another famous event that incorporates the traditional concept of death row is the danish roskilde festival where multiple death rows are being executed at any given time.

The Styx Song[edit]

Death row row your boat
gently down river Styx
merrily Mort merrily Mort
Life is but ehh............ over.

This song was often heard in death houses where the local bringer of death was, clearly, having a good day .

See also[edit]