December 5: International Day of Unusual Spam, International Tapeworm Awareness Day (TWAD), International Day of the Ninja
- 1 - God created the universe at a 25% deal.
- 666 - Shiva tells the people of India that they will die if they do not enlarge their manhood and reproduce, thus becoming one of the largest populations. Vishnu and Brahma get a cheap thrill out of watching the sex.
- 785 - King Arthur's vision of the Holy Grail is accompanied by the words "Grail! This can be yours FREE!"
- 999 - Amid predictions of the Apocalypse, European peasants receive anonymous notes offering "hot deals on ultra-sexy self-flagellation gear."
- 1791 - Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart chokes on his dentures during a live performance. Antonio Salieri frantically tries to dislodge them from Mozart's throat using his clarinet but only succeeds in driving them in further. Mozart dies as a result. "I feel awful" Salieri is quoted as saying.
- 1793 - Joseph Marie Jacquard is taught weaving by a super-intelligent tapeworm named Steve.
- 1929 - Baurhaus designs the new age spam only to have plans delayed by 60 years.
- 1939 - Adolf Hitler's letter to Neville Chamberlain is headed "PEACE NOW 25% off
- 1983 - Andre the Giant beats The Green Giant, and therefore won a lifetime supply of Spam.
- 1984 - Feed The Welsh, Elasto-Pop's charity single, is released.
- 1987 - Oh crap, I have a math test today...
- 1994 - Beans are Ratified in Congress as both a Magical Fruit and as Something that grows large beanstalks.
- 2003 - Bush declares war on spam after receiving excessive unbiblical porn in his inbox.
- 2004 - Britney Spears 100% Fully Clothed Pics spam email used.
- 2005 - Websites everywhere become littered with "Get Firefox" buttons.
- 2006 - Did you know everything has subliminal messages? EAT POPCORN!