Democracy

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Democracy is a form of government prevalent in the western world. It is a system wherein the population of a state cast votes on issues affecting the state, region, commune or pony club. Americans have the most perverse version of democracy ever to grace the Earth. In certain political circles it is commonly used as a code word to mean a brutal dictatorship, as in People's Democratic Republic of North Korea. In these situations the amount of democracy declines in inverse proportion to the number of pre-modifiers to the word democracy.

Contents 1 Origins of Democracy 2 Theory of Democracy 3 Voting in a Democracy

[edit] Origins of Democracy

Democracy began in Ancient Athens during the 5th century BC. Athens was a slave society, so most Athenians had plenty of spare time on their hands. At that time, 80% of Athen's population was made up of philosophers, inventors and people that tell ridiculous stories about animals to try and convey complex life messages in one short sentence. To give themselves something to do, all citizens could discuss and vote on issues affecting the polis, or city state. From this word we draw our English words politics, the affairs of state, politicians, those who practice the affairs of state, and police, those who punish those who practice the affairs of state when it becomes known what those who practice the affairs of state have been doing.

The Ancient Athenian system worked until it was overthrown by the Athenians' main rival, the Spartans. The Spartans were fierce warriors, whose terrible battle practices including shouting "THIS IS NOUN!" at their enemies, long after it ceased to be funny. The Athenians were unable to respond to a crisis quickly due to the fact that their system of government was largely based around blaming one another for their problems.

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In 13th century England, the nobles decided that King John wasn't really the right sort of chap and set about removing him. They forced the king to create a forum where they could meet to discuss issues, play poker and oggle wenches. They agreed that the people should choose who their representatives would be by election. The nobles promptly returned to their lands where they threatened to chop the feet off of anyone who voted against them. This would become a recurring feature of democracies around the world

[edit] Theory of Democracy

Democracy is intended to grant all men a stake in their country, as they can help chart it's course through the unmapped waters of politics. Unfortunately, since the demographic transition from bald, bearded men who wear togas to scumbag chav bastards, the system hs left much to be desired as tabloid readng imbeciles have as much say in the running of the country as Nobel Prize-winning scientists. Democratic countries have developed counter-measures to protect themselves from the retardation by various methods. First came efforts to stop the wrong sort from voting, the wrong sort being anyone who was mad, poor, black, homeless or a woman. After this caused too much anger amongst militant students, governments then set about making the people not want to vote, discouraging voter turnout to the point that more people vote on a reality television programme wherein z-list celebrities are forced to eat maggots in a jungle by two northern homunculi. This has been a resounding success, as people complain when they are witheld from doing something, but if they're to lazy to do something they tend not to form movements to end laziness, as that would require them to get up off their fat arses, stop watching Jeremy Kyle and actually do something that doesn't involve ramming pie down their throats.

[edit] Voting in a Democracy

The essence of democracy at it's purest is a lynch mob. This is where in a group of 100 townspeople, 99 have voted "Hang the (witch, negra, liberal)" and one (usually some witch, negra or liberal) vote "no".

Voting having properly taken place, they are no longer a lynch mob, but citizens in a free and democratic nation.

That is only voting at the local level, though. Good for hanging undesireables and passing zoning laws to crush your potential competitors.

At the State level, you have the opportunity to vote on creating or repealing laws. Oh, actually, no, most states can't do that. Sorry. But you do get to vote for State Representatives and the Governor. And since your vote makes up 1/10 millionth of the State's population, you may be sure they care about you.

At the Federal level, you get to vote for senators and representatives. Two types of people so notorious for ignoring you that most Americans wisely do not even commit their names to memory. You also get to elect the President. Well, not actually. You get a kind of 1/300 millionth advisory say in who you think you could stomach, out of only two or three choices they give you, then some other group of people called the electoral college decide for you. Sometimes this is reviewed by the Supreme Court who can overrule the electoral college.