Der Reichenrapenmaschine

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
Jump to: navigation, search
No Wikipedia.png
Because of their so-called intelligence, the so-called experts at Wikipedia will never have a proper article about Der Reichenrapenmaschine. We are sorry for their blatant retardedness.
Beware of sexual deviants in possession of a Reichenrapenmaschine.

A Nazi rape machine which can be purchased on the Swiss black market for approximately 3 million dollars (or 5.32 billion bits of string). It has the ability to use up a human being within 3 minutes (Or more, if you're Chuck Norris). It's often likened to those machines where you insert a penny and two quarters, and you turn a knob and you get a pressed penny "souvenir", but without the souvenir, and it costs much much more.

It is also one of the many ways to travel to the island of Orgasm.

A notable theorist on the subject once remarked as to the potential humour value hidden in the fact that this machine may have once been named through jest on the part of the initial engineers, since it is in fact an anagram of "Mechanic Preens Hernia" but reports of such a foul up at the Nazi naming office have not been officially referenced and so remain consinged to a bin marked "article marked for speedy deletion".


Zomg! It's a pipe organ!... No wait, nvm, it's mein Reichenrapenmaschine.

Der Reichenrapenmaschine was invented by Thomas Edison, who is most noted for the invention of the phonograph, the laser, Henry Ford, and Dragon Balls.

The idea for Der Reichenrapenmaschine came to him during his time in the Hitler Youth. He was walking into church one day, when he saw a priest raping a little girl on a pipe organ, and suddenly, he was spoken to none other than the damned one, Xx_666Satan_xX, who whispered to his ear "y helo thar buttsekz? LOLOLOL". It is perhaps for this reason that Der Reichenrapenmaschine seems to carry the appearance of a mutilated pipe organ.

Der prototype[edit]

Der prototype Reichenrapenmaschine was not particularly impressive. It was run by 1000 mice on wheels, and as a result, took a full 10 minutes to bring a minute-man to relief. Consequently, it was trashed and found by Hitler, who used it as a mind control device to cause millions of Jews to develop an inferiority complex and poison themselves with Zyklon B, or haul themselves into furnaces. This event was known as "The Haul-ourselves-into-furnaces-or-ZyklonB-our-own-asses-before-they-get-violated-again-by-that-blasted-machine", or "The Holocaust" for short.

Der Early Days[edit]

After further developing der Reichenrapenmaschine, Thomas Edison demonstrated it to his friend, John F. Kennedy. Kennedy was so pleased by it, that he went insane and became President of the United States, like the many other presidents before him.

After patenting it and distributing it on the market, it was brought to the attention of Our Lord and Savior, Douglas Adams, who immediately illegalized it in every country in the world, except Switzerland, where everything is legal. Shortly thereafter, the people of Hell, being fanatics of Der Maschine of Pure Rapachge, protested against Our Lord, and He was brought into questioning. Here is a documentation of the proceeds during the questioning:

Recorded on March 32nd, 1898

Them: Why did you illegalize Der Reichenrapenmaschine?

This brilliant answer stopped them in their tracks, and caused many a hell-dweller to scratch their heads in apparent confusion. In the end, to avoid any more possible apparent confusion, they released Him and decided to all move to Switzerland. Damn those heathen Swiss.

Der Modern Reichenrapenmaschine[edit]

Today, der Reichenrapenmaschine is used worldwide. It is primarily noted as having the peculiar ability to spread crack. These are then distributed to pimps and prostitutes, who sell them on the streets of Atlantis. Due to the sudden surge of interest in the detachable penis, the popularity of Reichenrapenmaschines has diminished substantially, and they have been forced to migrate to the rainforests of South America, where they live in plots of land commissioned by the government, and are cultivated for their crack.

There have also been sightings in the Japan Desert, although these are probably just mirages caused by the wild imagination of the Japanese Sexual Queen bee, who controls all the Japanese men under its' single hive mind.

Other appearances[edit]

See Also[edit]