Destroying all things

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“We have work to do... no less a work than to over-throw creation itself. We will re-make man in our image not His, we will turn the mountains into sea and the sea into fire and the fire into a mighty rushing wind that will cover the face of the earth and wipe clean the scourge of woolly thinking once and for all.”

~ John Kerry on all things, during a secret meeting with the Left

“I don't know about all things, but the Left destroyed all of my things while I was in prison! It's true!”

~ Oscar Wilde on destroying all things

To destroy all things...[edit]

...is the secret agenda of the Left. As was unraveled by an anonymous freeper in the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina, it consists in hiding the the are dark and willing to destroy all things.

Did you know?[edit]

All things, happy and unsuspecting. Little do they know what sinister schemes the Left has in petto for them.
God, ripping a hole into reality and about to destroy all things with his twin laser beam. By coincidence, he's one of the things the Left wants to destroy.
  • God likes to destroy all things on a regular basis.
  • But he regrets it later, and re-creates everything anew, including memories of a past which in fact never existed, so no one can notice. (He does this way too often)
  • In former times, the Left just tried to destroy all things good and holy. But as we all know, there are no things good and holy these days (because of the Left).
  • It is said that once all things are destroyed, there's still an awful lot of work left for the Left. They then have to end time itself, undo creation, annihilate all being, vaporize all possibility, kill God and make Ouroborous, the Great World Serpent, finally devour itself for good. These further aims are complicated by the fact that there will be no things left (not to be confused with no things Left) to achieve them with.
  • It is supposed that the Doxology sung at the end of the Leftist Church's weekly services contains the lyrics, "All creatures here below... are going to be DESTROYED!" The congregation then lets out a collective chortle.
  • Karl Marx has been reported to want to destroy all things, but in reality, he just wants to have an awesome party. A COMMUNIST PARTY.
  • John Kerry destroyed all things in 2008 after obtaining a laser gun and accidentally shooting the Nuclear Weapons computers while aiming for George W. Bush in Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Hormones.
  • Whether or not destroying all things is a good thing or a bad thing is, naturally, impossible to say, because destroying all things logically implies the destruction of good and bad things alike. In other words, perhaps destroying all things is the best thing to happen to all things!
  • This might explain why God destroys all things so often.
  • Then again, given that God has great fun in the destruction of all things, he, by inference, must also be an agent of the Left. Could you possibly imagine?! GOD IS A LEFT-WING PINKO COMMIE BASTARD DESTROYING OUR FREEDOMS!!! (perhaps)
  • Destroying all things is the secret aim of the controversial No Things Left Behind Act of 1968 2001.
  • Because for every Act, there also exists an equal and opposing Act, this Act was countered by the controversial No Things Left Left Behind Act of 2002.
  • Sometimes, they strike back! For example, in 2000, Ralph Nader was destroyed by all things (in a very slow and gruesome manner).
  • Perfect Mega Jesus will destroy everything and there's not a damn thing you can do about it?
  • John Woo is said to be directing the action scene of the period when all things are destroyed. It is rumored that it's going to be fucking awesome, and that lots of white birds will be involved, which will also be destroyed.
The Kool-Aid Man in the process of destroying all things.