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The Sad Tale of the Dib Human
The following story is not for the faint of heart. If you suffer from spleen rupturing or "MY SPINE!" disorder, please redirect your browser. Also, the following information has markedly *not* been authorized by our supreme leader, the great and mighty Invader Zim. Use discretion in the viewing and forwarding of information obtained within this article on pain of evisceration. Thank you and have a nice day.
The Dib creature is a human male in the chocolate and white pattern. His head is approximately twice the size of a perfectly normal human worm baby's. There are no current photographs of him, but witnesses of citings claim he is now 8 feet tall and covered in coarse, thick hair.
"Why is his head so big?" asks a local metal child, here called John Smith Jr.
"I'd like to be given his head." Oscar Wilde, senior everything correspondent.
Have you seen this Stink Beast?
Currently, there is a $50,000,000,000 reward for the capture or death of the young stink beast and his co conspirator Jhonen Vasquez who is rumored to be in custody. There haven't been rewards this large offered since the dreaded Space Pirate Ryoko and her partner/hostage/lover Vash the Stampede began their galactic joy ride in August of 2000 (see Space Pirates).
Dib (last name unknown) was born to noted scientist Professor Membrane after an incident recorded in the documentary Junior. He was considered an unstable child and extremely intelligent until he was involved in an alien abduction incident in the year 2002, after which he was considered a blithering idiot redneck.
Scientology scholars explain that children like Dib who have been brought up in homes with strong emphasis on anti psychotic medicine and doctors are likely to be freakishly deformed and insane. An expert claims "Our alien liberator would never have had these problems had poor little Dib had a proper influence in his life."
Regardless, young Dib developed a strong interest in philanthropy and protecting the human race.
One night, Dib intercepted an alien signal and discovered that the invaders were coming to his home planet, Earth. His attempts at preparation against this were widely met with hesitation or outright resistance. Although he proved a strong adversary against Invader Zim, eventually the stupidity of his human peers won out and he surrendered the planet Earth to Zim, claiming "Some people just don't deserve to be saved."
Currently, he spends his days in Guam as a freelance monkey wrangler.
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