Dicky the Gnome

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“What a retard! Who's this article about?”

Who is He?[edit]

Dicky the Gnome is (you're never gonna believe this) a gnome. He is a citizen of Boppaloppa and a porn addict. He is currently five hundred pounds, and resides with his wife Pamela Anderson.

What a stupid name![edit]

Yeah, his parents hated him because he was so fat. When he was born, he almost killed his mom because he was so fat; he barely fit through. Pop! Blood everywhere! So they named him Dicky the Gnome. This name made it very hard for him to succeed in school; all the kids made fun of his name.

Childhood Hardships[edit]

So, all the other kids hated him. They made fun of him daily, which forced him into emo-ness, and drugs, blah blah blah. You've read all the pamphlets. Anyway, this is what he looked like when he came home and got high.

I'm Dicky the Gnome! Everybody hates me so I'm gonna be Emo and Goth and take crack! Yaaaaay!

Kicked OUT![edit]

Eventually he got on his mom's nerves for being so fat, so she kicked him out of the house. Literally. She sprained her ankle, too. He was twenty one when this happened, in his prime and ready to be a hobo. He took to wandering the streets. Some of his favorite ways to pass the time were:

  • Killing old guys with sausages for mustaches
Yeah, these guys are fun to shoot, especially with ducks!
  • Leading monkeys on political rampages


  • Debating the teriyaki sauce properties of squirrel snot with nuns

Nuns are so beaverish these days.


Today Dicky the Gnome lives in Boppaloppa with his friend Obama Clone 568229344. I cannot discuss what they do in their free time, because people under twenty one might read this.

What is He?[edit]

Here are some replies I've gotten for what Dicky the Gnome is:

Dicky the Gnome is obviously a leprechaun.
He looks stupid.
Dicky the Gnome looks a lot like your mom.

What is wrong with you people!!! It's right in his name!! Dicky the Gnome!!! Is everyone here on crack? I mean, besides me.

Scientific Name[edit]

Dicky the Gnome's exact scientific name is proliferous chubbimus gluetious maximus flatulatum. In english, that means 'One who reproduces rapidly, has ungainly overmuch flesh, a large posterior area, and is prone to loud flatulatory attacks.' Got all that? Good. Now, in understandable english, that means 'Some guy who makes a lot of babies, is really fat, has a really big butt, and farts to blow your eardrums.' Better?


His mom, besides being a capybara hooker, was a monkey dealer. Believe it or not, monkeys are a dangerous animal. Think about it. Have you ever seen a monkey climb a tree? Ever? My point exactly.

Dicky the Gnome's mom.

Dicky's dad, on the other hand, was a pulsating orb of questionable origin.

Dicky's dad.

He met Dicky's mom in a gay bar in Costa Rica, where they immediatly "hit off" and... well- Dicky came to be.

Anyway, the combined characteristics of both parents created Dicky the Gnome. You can see the resemblance.


Dicky himself, being usually orally taciturn (the noise usually comes out of the other end) has offered no opinion on what he is. "As long as I'm someone who gets homosexual monkey crisps, I'm happy." {{Quote from Dicky the Gnome}} Upon further questioning, Dicky the Gnome revealed that he liked to bomb on kumquats, bomb homosexual kumquats, and bomb the homosexual off of a homosexual kumquat.

What He Does[edit]

Here is a list of fun stuff Dicky the Gnome does today.