Dimensions

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A dimension is, simply put, something. The actual true definition of dimensional existence is something that your terminally softened brain cannot possibly comprehend. No, seriously, you have no fucking idea. Unless you are high on Magic Mushrooms, you will never have any idea of what a dimension actually is, not to mention what it looks like. It is something you cannot possibly perceive without automatically mistaking it for something ordinary, mundane, and normal. Scrap whatever ideas you had about what is normal, what is comfortable, what is sane, and keep reading.

Alright buddy, I'll bite. Gimme da goods.[edit]

Most dimensions are made up of an intense interlocking system of mathematical equations, embodied by the very mathematical perceptions that make them appear real to your terminally softened human brain. To realize them all at once would most likely cause you to pee yourself. This is why every human has a basic instinct to ignore whatever is of no immediate importance. They are all, of course, Somebody Else's Problem.

What we perceive dimensionally may very well be the room you are sitting in. It could be the planet you are on. It could even be the universe in which you reside. Dimensions encapsulate and encompass the very existence in which you flounder. Think of it as a level in Super Mario Bros.. Each dimension has its own boundaries, capabilities, mathematical formulae, upholstery, fragrance, colour, height, width, and depth to it, in concordance of course, with whoever resides in it. There are platforms to jump on, coins to collect, mushrooms to eat so you can grow bigger and gain lives, magic flowers that enable you to barf fire-pellets, and usually a lot of enemies to keep you occupied.

The only major difference between our universe and its infinitely interlocking and subjectively daunting dimensions, and Super Mario, is that Super Mario is only hindered by a few of the dimensions which torture and confuse us here in real life. (These dimensions being upward and left-right movement, his time limit, his coin bonus, and his number of lives.)

(Okay... Cigarette break.)[edit]

Life, as we know it, on this relatively huge and massive ball of dirt and molten rock (more commonly referred to as Planet Earth) is completely encompassed and bound by millions upon millions of dimensional variables and imperatives. The very microsecond in which you wake up in the morning and swear under your breath, these multitudes of mathematical insanity grind into motion. They are the variables of fate, the infinite universes in which you drift inconspicuously from one life to the next. Every choice you embark upon, every decision you ponder, every change you instill, in some way effects every other living thing in this life, no matter how subtle, no matter how insignificant it may seem. (That shit about the butterfly flapping its wings kind of plays into effect here, but has only led people to believe that life's consequences are determined solely by butterflies. Sadly, they could not be more right.)

Even the very planet we skinny ape-people run amok on is in itself, entirely controlled and regulated by its own complex system of variable dimensions. These are self-supporting, considering that the orbit around the sun gives us seasons, the rotation of the planetoid gives us day, night, and gravity, and the moon orbiting overhead gives us the weather. It's all very simple.

Oh C'mon, Quit Being A Smartass[edit]

Now look. None of this matters. It's all bullshit, really. Nobody thinks about this unless they are high on drugs, or indeed mentally retarded. So don't worry about it. It's all very natural and has been here since the dawn of time. Seriously, don't get your knickers in a knot over this shit, it's all somebody else's problem. Just you worry about your own fundamental dimensional role in your own perceptive reality, and leave the rest up to the universe to sort out.

So, Why Bother?[edit]

How the fuck should I know? Apparently, if none of this matters, then subsequently, everything else ceases to matter as well. What's the goddamn point, you ask? The point is that there isn't one. You might as well just give up and kill yourself right here and now.

Look, I know it's daunting and probably very depressing that everything is made up of numbers and formulae and patterns. But seriously, it really makes you appreciate the finer things in life. Froot Loops, for example. God wrote a program for Froot Loops. Isn't that awesome? Or like, trees. Seriously, just take a look at a tree, look at all the numbers in there. Seriously, I'm not kidding. All the time and patience required to build a tree out of numbers. Riding a bike is fun. That's what life is about. All those stupid fucking little things that nobody cares to think about. Go procreate. Make fun of stupid people. Smoke a cigarette. You'll be okay.

Nature of dimensions[edit]

Current scientific inquiry into the inner workings on the Universe, especially string theories, surmise that there are seven or more dimensions. This is a lie. These dimensions are actually an illusion created by one all-powerful Super Dimension. Travel using the Super Dimension allows one to go anywhere/when. This excludes, of course, the creation of this section, for the Super Dimension will protect the fact that it is being talked about from being erased. After all, the Super Dimension is egotistic. This is why its name is capitalized. However, in order to satisfy the illusion, imagine this: 1st dimension - there is a wall. 2nd dimension - you go over the wall. 3rd dimension - you go round the wall. 4th dimension - you go through the wall. This continues for sometime, getting all the way up to the 26th dimension (summon giant badger which graffitis God's name onto the wall, melting the wall) until the Super Dimension/God gets annoyed and causes you to undergo spontaneous combustion.