Direct Energy

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
Jump to: navigation, search

Direct Energy is a relativily new company that masquerades as an Energy Retailer but is actually a blood sucking fascist regime that saps the life from its employees and steals from hard working people's pocket's to feed the tea-sucking fat cats of the UK.

Once a rich and diverse Canadian company that was drowning in money from oil and gas. It was purchased by Centrica sometime in the last few years and has been going to hell in a handbag since then.


Chosen from the inner circle of hades by Lucifer himself, this brilliant team of lifeless, bureacrats and trophy officers has effectivly turned the entire continent against their company by lying and stealing their way into everyone's household. Needless to say they still manage to inspire feelings if trust with their muddied english accents and partial citizenships.

Legal Status[edit]

Direct Energy is the red headed step child of energy companies in North America. A patsy to stinky British money and basically an all round disappointment, Direct Energy does not trade on any North American stock markets but if you want you can own Centrica stock for the fair price of 141 pounds. Quick everyone buy 10,000!

Quick Facts[edit]

  • Direct Energy's door-to-door sales force's total IQ is 6, which is 3 higher than the executive teams.
  • Buying a natural gas contract with Direct Energy is about as wise a purchase decision as an extended warrenty.
  • Direct Energy in british translates to = "Har.. stupid american wanks, we own joo!"
  • If Direct Energy was a woman, she would be a sexy looking sadist with a labotomy who wears "knickers"

More Information[edit]

Direct Energy's Website

  • Please feel free to click your money away here, I would rather spend it on porn.