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“I think diving is a disgrace. "Simulation" is OK though”

~ Christiano Ronaldo on Diving

“The only diving I do is muff diving *wink*”

~ Beckham on top of Victoria

Diving is a popular pastime that has recently taken prominence in the footballing world. Once considered disgraceful and dishonest, diving is now a vital aspect in any footballers style of play, perhaps considered even more important than other skills such as passing and shooting. Talent scouts often will not consider youth players without at least a history of weak or wobbly legs and have often turned to disabled children's shelters in search of promising talents.

Famous players who have perfected the Dive[edit]

Robben and Rivaldo are considered to be the best divers ever to grace the beautiful game with their skills. With the technique perfected over many years of practice and dedication, these players are able to fall over and cry at will, evoking sympathy from referees who can't bear to watch grown men cry. Another legendary diver is Cristiano Ronaldo,(fallen from fame since he retired form diving in 2101 when war was beginning) who is widely considered to be born with the natural talent and has skillfully incorporated this into his wide array of tricks. Moves such as the Elastico Dive, where C.Ronaldo pretends to dive left, but instead dives right, often leaves defenders bamboozled and pleading their innocence.

Diving tricks[edit]

  • Elastico Dive - where the player pretend to dive right, but instead dive left
  • 180 Dive - where the player runs towards the opponent and spins 180 degrees and falls over, so that they are able to plead to the referee in mid-dive
  • Double-Team dive - where two players fall down together under one tackle
  • Dying swan dive - signature move of C Ronaldo, where the player throws his arms up dramatically and floats through the air in a graceful dive
  • Slippery Box dive - a typical dive techniques used by entire teams, where players seem unable to stand properly in the box. Especially useful in dead-ball situations, where entire teams collapse together in an organized dive
  • Sniper Shot dive - Perfected and repeated so many times by Drogba, sometimes he is seen clutching his heart and gargling until Nelson kicked him in the teeth.

How to Dive Gracefully[edit]

The BEST of C. Ronaldo