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Originally a month in the Vedic Calendar created by the people of the Indus River, otherwise known as Teddy Boys (recently accepted as Hindus) Dodecember was the month of throwing large oblong shaped objects violently at grandparents and anyone that used the word was more than once in a single sentence.

Origins of the oblong throwing festival[edit]

Yes indeed, those crazy Teddy Boys loved it when Dodecember rolled around, and it rolled around quite frequently- an entire Vedic Year was equivalent to a single week in our correct, Gregorian Calendar, and Dodecember was a Thursday. However, recent studies by renowned German Scientist Dr Shitzzleberger have absolutely nothing to do with Dodecember. The question everyone is asking, Why Not?

Our earliest records of Dodecember lie in receipts for an apparent exchange of goods that took place in a brothel, just off Stanmore Road in Edgbaston in the mythical year of 1994. However, there is scepticism amongst the unemployed that this was merely a promotion for a young whore named December.

It is only recently that we at the institute of stuff [1] have taken an interest in Dodecember, since it may hold the key to many ancient puzzles such as the Rubik's Cube and Boris Johnson's Hairstyle.

So basically, the people of the Indus River, would find their way to the bar every Thursday to celebrate the coming of the new month, with their grandparents and people notorious for saying "was". Obviously no one would drink due to the recent implementation of state probing for such offences, but common procedure was as follows:

How to Throw Large Oblong Objects[edit]

Find an Object, throw it.

The Scapegoat of the Western World[edit]

Interaction between the East and the West during the rule of Tom Derry Caesar and space Cowboy saw much animosity channelled towards Dodecember for the impiety it represented towards the god Alistair Campbell being the God of certain unrelated incidents, the thought of throwing things whilst thinking of fish meant that Caesar was mad. in fact the creation of our current calendar was to serve the purpose of socially eradicating Dodecember.

During one of his shindigs, Caesar decided to get his wife's sister drunk so that he could sleep with his wife's brother without her walking in. It was during this passionate escapade that Caesar told him that he loved Keanu Reeves his lover twice. Convinced that Caesar had said that to him in the past tense, Reeves found a dildo and threw at Caesar's face- it was Dodecember in some calendar or another.

Enraged, Caesar killed Reeves, still prostrating himself- ready for rimming, and then announced that the year would last 365 days and that Dodecember would last for a month, at the end of the year, but renamed December, so anyone who wanted to celebrate Dodecember would officially be called a Tory Wet.

No one did so the month was dedicated to shop for presents to buy for certain people like David Dickenson.


Dodecember was something but now it is something else.

The 12 Months of the Year:
January | February | March | April | May | June | July | August | September | October | November | December