Don Bluth

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“F*** CGI!!!”

~ Don Bluth on his movies being considered crap nowdays

“If your movies were so great then why I've never heard about them?”

~ Retard on Don Bluth

“I'm not afraid of the dark! I'm not afraid of the farmer! I'm not even scared of Fox. I'm not even afraid of...of...of Don Bluth!”

~ David the Turkish Dragon on Don Bluth

Don Bluth is a wonderful movie director and mormon that is specially famous for great cult classics such as Titan A.E., The Rescuers, The Fox and the Hound, and The Land Before Time.

Biography[edit]

Don Bluth was born in El Paso Texas, to the cast of Brokeback Mountain. As a youngester he desired to do movies, but his real inspiration came in his teeenage years, when he started watching Road Running and Tom and Jerry cartoons. Although he should have worked for famous director Hayao Miyazaki, seeing the availiable cartoons at the time inspired him to go work for Walt Disney, at the time gaining a lot of cash from classic movies such as Snow White and Dumbo. After performing a wonderful job, he was soonly hired, and with him came works such as Robin Hood, The Rescuers, Winnie the Pooh, and The Fox and the Hound.

Afterwards, though, Disney's death got him a little bonkers. He meet with another inspiring director, Richard Rich, an inspiring pervert responsible for movies such as The Little Mermaid, The Lion King and The Hunchback of Notre Dame, as well as the more recent Avatar: The Last Airbender, portraying Tang as a wizard rather than an airbender. Together they wrote the screenplay for The Black Cauldron, and Bluth went away for good.

His wild years[edit]

For the rest of his life Don Bluth made movies for anyone but Disney. For some reason there's a wild tendency to make sequels of his movies without his consent, often with disastrous consequences. Some of his most precious movies include:

Banjo the Woophile Cat[edit]

A precious short animation of a cat who runs from his home in Utah to work as a male prostitute in Las Vegas. Don Bluth's first movie outside Disney, and cumming into DVDs in 2009 (considering it was made in 1979, it was about time, don't you think?). Did Crazy Legs turn into Tiger?!

The Secret of NIMH[edit]

Don Bluth's first feature length movie, and considered by many to be his masterpiece. The story focuses on a mouse named Ms. Frisby, who does favors to mutant rats in return for medicine for her sick son Timothy. The comedian Dom DeLuise is a crow, and Hermione is a shrew. In case you don't get the title, it stands for Nation-wide Institute for Mental or otherwise Horrible People. I hope I was of any help :D

Eventually, the sluts at MGM decided to make a sequel, in which Timothy, after recovering from his sickness, does exactly what she does in the in first movie, although for no appearent reason. Many consider the sequel a disgrace to the original and perhaps the worst piece of crap ever, rivialed only by Plan 9 from Outer Space and G-Force.

Dragon's Chair[edit]

Don Bluth's first video game, focusing on retarded misadventures of Derek the Daring with Scooby Doo and a dragon. Recommended for mentally-chalanged audiences.

An Arcade version required the player turn to the light.

The sequel once more was a disaster. There are some plans for an actual movie (see below).

Space Axe[edit]

Similar to the above, only as a parody of Star Treek. A total EPIC PHAILURE!!!!! WHAT IS GOING ON HERE. HI I'M A HOBO.

An American Tailhole[edit]

Bluth's first work with Universal Pictures (something that he would highly regret afterwards), the story focuses on a young Russian Jew mouse named Fievel who decides to live up for the American dream, only to end up almost getting killed and eaten by the Mafian Cats. He meets a Vegan cat named Tigger and some pigeons, to whom he becomes friends with. Together they waste time until they end up finding Fievel's family. This was one of Don Bluth's ultra successes and even won to Disney movies. But, as always, someone had to make sequels. None of the three sequels+tv series had the success the original movie had.

Some wondered if Don Bluth has an attraction to rodents, due to this movie and the previous Secret of NIMH, plus his previous work with Disney on The Rescuers and the fact that he was a prime suspect for the Rescuers offending image.

The Land Before Time[edit]

If Bluth's previous zoophile exploits were of any use, this one certainly was. The movie was a huge box office hit, but, once more, someone had to make sequels: Universal made about one hundred; the last one came yesterday. All of them are, at best, shit, thanks to the dull porn and coyly voices. When does Universal ever learn?

The basic premise of the movie is about children-running-away-from-home-with-a-mix-group-and-surving-all-odds-until-through-mysterious-and-mystic-means-find-their-familes-again-and-happy-ending. The story focuses on the adventures of five dinosaurs chicks, which wish to go to a place called "The Great Valley" (an obvious reference to Las Vegas), and are always being chased by the evil dinosaur Big Tooth. But of course it is original. Because, you know, they are dinosaurs. Of course, it also deals with racism, religion, and red-meat eaters. The three evil Rs!

All Dogs Go To Hell[edit]

Tired of Universal's bitchness, Bluth went to work once more with MGM on a new project concerning canine slutiness. The movie focuses on a German shepherd that gambles with other dogs in a casino in Las Vegas, and then gets hit by a car. Then he has watch Barney, Teletubbies, Boohbah, In the Night Garden, and any other crap kids show on TV. He gets so fed up with it, he says he'll never gamble again if he is let free. The movie didn't work well in the theaters, but furries and crap kids show haters loved it so much it became a cult classic, and MGM had obviously to make sequels, didn't it?

“Et tu, MGM?”

~ Don Bluth on MGM

Lower Movies[edit]

MGM's betrayal made Bluth reconsider to whom he would whore off his movies. He produced Mock-a-Doodle and Thumb the vaselina to some random jerk that appeared, who sadly kept everything for himself, thus preventing them from becoming successful theatrical releases. He'd later make A Troll in Wikipedia and Chubie, the Retarded Penguin for Warner Bros., who actually bothered to not make sequels. They were crap anyway.

Amnasia[edit]

Don Bluth finally decided to join Fox, and he also released his first movie based on real facts (although all of his previous movies were true). Amnasia focuses on Russia's famous family the Romanovs, overthrown by the evil communist monk Rasputin, who didn't let anyone feed themselves. A gild called Amanda was the last surviving member of the Romanovs. She gets amnasia and doesn't remember her own name. So, she calls herself, Amnasia. Then she ended up in a lower class brothel. In the obvious lack of clients she went away, eventually meeting Dmitri and his zoophile friend. Rasputin, however, isn't dead yet, and he and his bat toy do anything to stop Amnasia and her crew to arrive to her granny's castle in Paris. Will our heroes manage to survive the journey to France?

Amnasia's success (the first after so many EPIC FAILURES) allowed Don Bluth to make a sequel of the movie, the first sequel in which he actually could direct. This sequel, Bartok the Flatuent, however, it was just as worst as any sequels before, even if the director was present. Bluth has a lot of bad luck appearently.

Titan A.E.[edit]

Bluth's last movie to date. It was such a total failure that Fox kicked Bluth out for good, even making him loose his director oportonity to direct the new movie Fantastic Mr. Fox. Can you say, EPIC FAILURE?

Current situation[edit]

After his last movie's trauma, he went bonkers afterwards. Rumours say that he is trying to find funds for a project about a Dragon Chair movie, but so far no one showed up. He's just making random movies now. I mean, seriously, MOCK-A-DOODLE? A TROLL IN WIKIPEDIA? CHUBIE THE RETARDED PENGUIN? WTF?

See also[edit]