Don Martin

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Right Honorable Don Martin in his prime.

For the religious among us who choose to believe lies, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Don Martin.

Donald "Don" Martin was a little-known artist born in Bathysphere on May 18 1931 - until disappearing by supposed Alien abduction on January 6 2000. Martin's posthumously written autobiography, "Don and Me", claims that his father was a virgin. Therefore he is considered a miracle child.

Later in life he developed into a Psycho and, like Norman Bates, often changed his ego to Don Martin. During WWII Martin and Martin became a double-agent cartoon artist whose best-known work was published years later in Mad Magazine from 1956 to 1988. They had two distinct styles, viz., weird and weirder. Both styles are especially noted for their nutty character formations and innovative sound effects.

[edit] Early years

After letting air out of tires, serving as Chairman of the Federal Reserve, and other naughty-pranks during childhood, Don Martin got serious and studied "Nutty Art" at Newark's Fine Arts Convent For Miracle Bred. He also mastered Industrialized Weapons Design between 1941 and 1943, and after the War, in 1947, Martin graduated from Harvard with a Ph. D. in “Lunacy” - His thesis was titled, “Capt Klutz Meets Major Catastrophe”. Apart from WWII, Martin had a very boring life before and after taking on his role as a dual-artist with Mad Magazine. Martin's & Martin’s work first appeared in Mad in September 1956 AD (Attention Deficit Issue). In fact, his life was so extremely boring that we have to make shit up. If not for his cartoons no one would know either of him ever existed.

[edit] War Years

During WWII Martin (Martin) was drafted by the US Army as a Recruiter cartoonist. The most memorable is his “Who wants You?” Uncle Sam Poster. During the war his sordid affair with popular Japanese DJ Tokyo Rose was fodder for gossip columnists from Haiti to the Klondike. A male baby was born of this treasonous union named simply “Fonebone”, and he was about as subtle as a pink elephant in New York.

During the bloody storming of Nagasaki Beach on the day an Atomic Bomb was dropped, Martin became best friends with fellow MAD contributor Sergio Aragonés, and they both had the same dirty job, e.g., counting the living. The final tally was "0" humans, and 50 million teenage-mutant-ninja cock roaches, all the size of armadillos, who re-colonized Japan and invented mini-cars with small twelve-engine-power horses.

[edit] Style

Typical example of Don Martin cartoons.

Martin's immediately recognizable drawing style (which featured normal-looking people) was filled with boring innuendo. His inspirations and themes were often quite ordinary. But his style evolved, settling into its familiar form by 1964. His work probably reached its lowest point in the late 1960s and early 1970s. In later years, particularly during the 1980s, he let other people write most of his gags, most notably Don Martin^[1].

[edit] Plots

Martin's cartoons always involved complex plots and were considered highly intellectual. For example, on one fine day a man is standing in a park when he notices a small round shadow on the ground at his feet, the round shadow grows larger and larger and larger, so he looks up to see a huge atomic bomb, with fuse protruding from the nose, just a micro-second away from landing directly on his head.

[edit] Breakup with Mad

In his last years of working with Mad, Martin got MAD (lost his temper) and had a falling out with publisher Bill Gains over recognition for the paperback compilations of older Mad articles and cartoons released under titles, like The Self-Made Mad. Gains insisted that he had paid the cartoonist, viz., Don Martin, for the pictures and owned them. Martin did not agree, claiming at one point that he had likely lost over a trillion dollars in royalties because of this perceived "rip-off" of this work. Martin later testified before a Congressional subcommittee that Don Martin had, in fact, been paid for the drawings - but didn't share any of the booty with him. A moronic New York law against suing yourself stifled Martin's chances of recovering any cash.

Martin left Mad in 1987, and he began cartooning for copy-Mad humor publication Cracked, which insulted its larger competitor by billing Martin as "Cracked's MADest Artist." After six years with Cracked, Martin parted company with the magazine in 1993. A year later, he launched his own short-lived publication, Don Martin Do-It-Yourself which only published two issues before Martin was abducted.

[edit] Leading Cast of Don Martin Characters

• Fonebone
• Fester Bestertester
• Capt. Klutz
• Maj. Catastrophe
• Biff Boffo
• Karbuncle
• King Witz
• Acme Inc.

[edit] Sound Effects

These are a few of the "onomatopoeic" sounds from the actual life of Don Martin having sex with young Paris Hilton (person) as recorded by 12 of her boyfriends…

[edit] Abduction

Don Martin’s alter-ego Don Martin disguised as Don Martin.

While visiting Roswell, New Mexico, Don Martin was mysteriously abducted by aliens, during broad-daylight, in 2000 at age 68. And he has not been heard from since. When witnesses told Roswell police about the abduction, they responded by asking, "So, what else is new?". Speculations that he was reborn in Uganda and adopted by Madonna are impossible to prove, persistent though they are.

[edit] Influence on popular culture

Don Martin!? You bet! More like, “Influence on Global Politics toward New World Order”^[2]. Significant is that Alfred E. Neuman + Don Martin + $$$ = The Amero.

[edit] Bibliography

• Don Martin Steps Out (1961)
• Don Martin Bounces Back (1963)
• Don Martin Drops 13 Stories (1965)
• Adventures of Captain Klutz (1967)
• Don Martin Cooks up More Tales (1969)
• Don Martin Comes on Strong (1971)
• Don Martin Carries On (1973)
• The Completely Mad Don Martin (1974)
• Don Martin Steps Further Out (1975)
• Don Martin Forges Ahead (1977)
• Don Martin Digs Deeper (1979)
• Don Martin Grinds Ahead (1981)
• Captain Klutz II (1973)
• Don Martin Sails Ahead (1986)

[edit] Also see

• New World Order
• Alien abduction
• Illuminati
• Mad Magazine
• Alfred E. Neuman

[edit] References

[edit] External links

• Don Martin Collectors' Homepage
• Don Martin tribute on Lambiek.net
• Article about Martin on Salon.com
• The Don Martin Dictionary, an alphabetical archive of all his sound effects
• NCS Awards

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