Donegal (County)

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Donegal is a wee wee tiny county in the Republic of ^superduper Ireland, though most people don’t like to admit it. It has the unfortunate luck of being tucked in the corner and is seen by Dublin as ‘merely decoration’. People from Donegal pronounce the word "scone" as if it were spelled "scahn" which has earned it several harsh sanctions from the United Nations. Donegal has been visited by many foreign diplomats and famous people over the years but most deny ever having had association with the place. The Irish goverment have forgoten that they control Donegal and now believe it is part of Northen Ireland.

History[edit]

A typical resident of Donegal(sober)

According to the Tourist Board, Donegal is the actual birth place of our Lord (brochures available in the ditch behind the leisure centre) Jesus Christ. If you don't believe them, then that's fine as they're not getting paid.

Donegal once had a famous and historic railway running through it, but it died out years ago...and nobody remembered to write anything about it...we all thought we'd get around to it but eh...shit happens.

Eventually, the British came and that was fine. Until we realised they were going to stay. That wasn't on lads. Just... bad manners is all it was...bad manners. But thankfully we were saved by the Catholic Chuch. Then we realised they were just as bad as the British. Just our luck.

Then about 1976, Donegal discovered sin and we were free. We could do anything, go anywhere. But the railway was fucked so we just sat at home. That's it. We haven't done anything else.

Economy[edit]

The economy of Donegal relies on two sectors. Tourism as well as Agriculture & Fishing. Both sectors are properly fucked now but the people of Donegal seem to yet have to cop on to this fact and many warty handed rally fiends can be seen in various lisenced establishments across the county each weekend handy over crisp €50 note after note in exchange for "Two double Vodka n' Red Bulls hi".

One Local Radical has claimed on various occasions "When the revolution comes, The Rally Heads will be first to go!....followed by checkered shirts!"

Update: He has since changed his mind after a violent exchange of views with the rally tossers at Ballyraine halting site over some Dutch Gold and a score of dope.

Culture[edit]

There's more in a pot of petit filous....Not that the inhabitants has ever heard of petit filous....they're just that uncultured.... We once sent Mickey Joe to the eurovision but he was never seen again. Many believe he is now the real voice behind lady Gaga.

Sport[edit]

The most popular sport in Donegal is a version of Russian Roulette, the difference being in Donegal is that five bullets are put into the revolver, not just one. The person left alive at the end of the game loses. Donegal's enduring passion for the sport down through the years has been widely believed to have been a result of the desire of many to get out of Donegal, but not being arsed to go through Bundoran. The other less popular sport but equally dangerous being drink driving, were every bank holiday weekend tens of people will attempt to make their way home from the bar as quickly as possible in the car whilst completely hammered...the minimum requirements for the sport are having at least 6 pints and an opel corsa. Bonus points are rewarded every trip to Letterkenny General in the back ambulance. Donegal has made some contribution to Irish sport as the goalkeeper guy from lifford does nets for the national team. However as you would,he left lifford at the earliest oppurtunity and never returned.

Crimes Against Humanity[edit]

Donegal has got a lot of bad press for producing Enya herself: Enya

Daniel O' Donnell. 'nuff said.

Religion[edit]

People in Donegal believe in a lot of things. Gravity, hygiene and hope are three exceptions. As well as Catholic, Protestant, Christianity, Jesus, Satan, Cannibalism, Alcoholism, Metal, Enya, Rock music, and Cabal.

Alcohol[edit]

Alcoholism plays an enormous role in the lives of Donegal people. Whether it's driving their children to school or throwing cats into Lough Swilly, alcohol affects almost every aspect of their lives. For instance, most of the editors of this article are Donegal residents and were completely plastered when they sat down to edit it. Can you guess how much of this article was written by people who where - and probably still are - completely out of their heads?

[Answer: All of it!]

Horses[edit]

Donegal was famous for gutting horses and spreading their skin over its countryside. Its rumoured that at any given time there would be 30 miles2 of land covered in horse skin. Any horses deemed "not stretchy enough" was boiled and made into glue.

Landmarks[edit]

Glengad is probably the only thing in Donegal that comes close to a landmark. Rumor has it that it's used by Pope Benedict XVI as a recording studio.

==Towns==Donegal Town-Mantel spot hey....savage craic. The only town in Co.donegal to have a king, by law he still has the right to hang people if he so desires.

Also home to the world famous Con Underwood, Francis Murphy and shopkeeper extrodinare Maurice Timoney! Donegal town was founded on the graveyard of dead babys killed by farmers angered by local youths. The town is now know for its alcoholics and pubs (and complete disregard for spelling, punctuation & grammar!) famous alcos include con underwood while there are a numerous famous pubs including the forge, the scooner and the star bar. unfotunatly donegal is poor on its nightclub front with only the abbey hotel to go to, this is a poor club with resident dj "dj paul" its best atribute even tho he is crap and terrible and wears womens underware Donegal is also famous for its dimond in which people sit after a night out, apart from sittin on, the dimond serves no other purpose except for monthly ritual baby slaughtery and weekley gang bangs on a thursday night at 4.16 GMT (yes uz no who uz r) Also all building contractors and developeres who are all qypsies and faggots and man-whores in dusquise and only take payment through anal sex. (Now that you've read this don't you just want to hit edit?!?)

Letterkenny - once the fastest growing town in Europe, now just taking a breather. Now has 'burbs. They keep building them despite their lack of necessity. People like to talk like people from Derry. SHAM SHAM SHAM SHAM... Letterkenny boasts the highest number of roundabouts of any town in Ireland, and perhaps the world, the most notable of which being the "Polestar" roundabout, which is itself, as well as being a roundabout, a monument to roundabouts. The town itself is universally recognised as a naturally occuring anomaly, with the distance between any two points being uphill. Inspired by a drawing by a five year old child, the layout of the town is studied by civil engineering students worldwide as it is considered invaluable as a learning resource, with every single mistake that could be made in the planning of a town being made at least twice.

Glenties - Home to The Limelight, the only night club in western Europe where patron's must be under 18, full of vodka, and trouserless.

Gweedore - the bastards gave us Enya and Aiden McGeady!!

Bundoran - storage facility for overweight Celtic fans.

Milford - The place where everyone is your cousin . the town is full of alcoholic inbred bastards and the pregnoids(young women who's sole goal is to get pregger and a council house ,rather than having a career or ambitions or anything like that.Do not question them on this life choice as it will only result in a blank stare or anger and confusion or all three.)

Ballybofey - the most apathetic town in Donegal but it couldn't care less. It's also full of car wankers(also known as shams). You know those pricks who buy a small shit car and drive around the town in circles picking up underage girls and shagging them in the back seat? Yeah. Full of them.

Muff - the gateway to another dimension (i.e. Derry). Also famous for it's Divers.

Bridgend - famous only for it's filling stations, and full of Derry people who come across the border for cheap petrol. Bombed by George Bush in 2003 for it's large oil reserves.

Lifford - Donegal's answer to a question nobody asked.

Killybegs - affectionately known as Smellybegs by anyone unlucky enough to have to pass through. There's definitely something fishy going on...

Rallybofey Stupid Corsa fanboys are extradited to this shithole. Doomed by the Chinese on Wednesdays, 'they don't know any better' says the Irish Independent on Thursday's breaking news. Martin went to get his car from the shed, but unfortunately for him the war in Iraq moved to banana puddle jumpers. The Irish soccer team lives in the petrol tanks of these outcasts on Tuesdays.

Raphoe The Israel of Donegal. It contains a majority of Protestants and neighbouring rogue town Convoy wishes it "wiped off the map, hey". It's also home to legendary centre for education, Deele College.

Carndonagh - the birthplace of the world famous explorer Patrick Stanley Doherty.

Ballyshannon (Known locally ball-shack.) Birthplace (and that's about it seeing as he left about 5 minutes later) of Legendary Guitar Virtuoso - Rory Gallagher! Hometown of the famous "yoke, sham!!" Hi sham! Ballyshannon is also home to the worlds largest car park!! Highly recomended is a tour of the outer regions of "Barry Leonard's Bullogin' Belly"

Dunfanaghy Fuck we dunno where or what exactly it is either.

Tober County Capital.

Castlefinn Full of knackers.

Manorcunningham Little is known about this giant family, they have there own language.