Donkey basketball
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Donkey Basketball, considered America's second-greatest pastime, is the National Sport of the United States of America. American teams have won all the titles in the yearly Donkey Basketball World Series, due to both their excellent athleticism, as well as the fact that that sport is only played within the USA.
Donkey Basketball is a 5-a-side team sport where the aim is to throw a ball though a hoop whilst riding bareback on a donkey.
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[edit] Origins
Archaeologists have unearthed compelling evidence that Donkey Basketball originated with the Inca people of South Dakota, where they played a primitive version of the game which only superficially resembled the modern game of modern times. The game was played on a field roughly the size of the island of Manhattan. Inca tribes would send all of their men, along with their finest donkeys, for a game of fierce intensity and cunning skill. The primary goal of the Inca Donkey Basketball game was to decapitate all of your opponents, and toss their severed heads into a hoop or "basket" at the appropriate end of the court. Each human head was worth two points, with a donkey's head worth three. Once one of the teams was completely decimated, the other would be awarded the coveted Bronzed Donkey Head Award and declared the winner. The winning tribe would often go on to rape the losing tribes’ now defenseless women and children, and later were invited to talk shows. An alternate theory is that it is descended from vegan hunting.
[edit] The Modern Game: Rules and Regulations
Luckily in modern Donkey Basketball the heads of the opposing team have been replaced with a synthetic leather head or "ball" and the hoops have been replaced by cylindrical metal pieces of barbed wire with nets hanging below. Instead of the donkey's head being worth more, a line has been drawn around the basket called the "3-point line". The game no longer continues until one team lies dead. However, the game is instead divided into five (5) equal time periods of 10 minutes each.
In the unlikely event that the score at the end of the final fifth is tied, a sixth fifth is played called the 120% clause.
While not in the rule book, it is still custom for the victors to rape the woman of the losing team and make public appearances in talk shows. The donkeys have become famous.
[edit] Professional Organization and National Playoffs
The national league of Donkey Basketball is the NDBA or National Donkey Basketball Association. The League is divided into 7 conferences with three divisions in each. The winners of each division play-off for the title of conference champion. Once the 7 conference champs are found, they then enter the "Magnificent Seven" a grueling two month series of matches until one team is declared the winner, thereby winning the coveted Bronzed Donkey Head Award and invited to many talk shows.
[edit] Controversy in the NDBA
Though not widely publicized until recently, Donkey Basketball has often flirted with drugs. Several NDBA players have been linked to the BALCO scandals.
Previously several players had been suspected of "corking" their donkeys, allowing them extra height in the jump.
