Douchebag elementary

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
Jump to: navigation, search

“I went there”

~ Tamia

Douchebag Elementary is an insane deathcamp for mentally ill psychopaths(mostly rapists).


Mr.Dick An 900 year old rapist that likes to fuck children as an excuse for a "exam". He likes to lure in Kindergardeners in to his classroom and then fuck them mercilessly. He then eats them, with ketchup of course.

Ms.Fagbait The principle is a huge mound of seemingly human flesh, seemingly. Whenever someone gets near it, they get sucked in by a means of gravity pull. In fact, IT is the detention room, although some of the people in detention will eventually die of huge pressure and get dissolved by it's stomach acids.

Calvin Zang A super powerful alien being that landed to Earth 500,000 years ago, he has the power to move mountains and create storms of uncontrolled power. Although he is seemingly immortal, a simple kick to the balls can cause him to explode into a million pieces. He was able to cast a spell that confined Zonad(see bottom) to the classrooms.

Brendon Luigi)

Brendon Luigi, not to be mistaken with Sheen from Jimmy Neutron.

A remnant of some unknown species, he is a really weird fag that won't shut the fuck up even when no one wants to hear his fucking voice. His brain is lopsided, blocking out his right ear canal so he can't even hear the sound of the car that's gonna run him over (and on several occations this happened with amazing results). He hits his own balls (if he has any or too many for that manner) for some unknown reason. His favorite food is his own "naturally made" mayoinasse

ZuoZuo The mistical 50 tailed level 900 jedi from legends, he is able to pull off the sacred 6,900 rasengan chidori punch strikes. He is also known as the legendary swearer due to the fact most of his language is composed of cuss words. He is a super asian, meaning he doesn't speak with a English accent and hasn't mastered English completely, not to mention being a crazy homicidal maniac.

Martini Gilligan

Martini Gilligan in the cover of his new autobiography.

A dragon that is more down to Earth than any other dragon in existence, he is constantly bothered by Brendon and is constantly chased by him throughout the school grounds. His closet leads to Narnia in which he plans to kill Aslan and take over it, possibly wanting to rename it "Gilligan's Island"

Mucus Wang Mucus's portrait.

The deformed clone of Martini using his dragon DNA. The most noticeable difference is in the personality and the fact Mucus is asian. So we don't know if he is a clone. He follows Martini everywhere and barely survived being mauled by Brendon. He threatens to rape people and proved he really will do it on several occations. He also seems to be out of control all the time and needs to be injected with elephant tranquilizer daily just to keep him from ripping the foundation of society.

Doiski Coribinovsky

This could be Doiski's true form.

Although his name sounds russian, he is asian and the most popular student in Douchebag elementary, only 1/234 Russian and 1/8000 black. He has the special ability to mimic Gir perfectly and some say he is the human version of Gir. Gir? Gir. YES GIR! similarities between Doiski and Gir:

  • love of piggies
  • love of waffles
  • love of doom
  • short
  • high metabolism

Johnson Teng A really really weird person. In fact he is not human but a irken invader, which describes his odd behavior. He has red blood stains on his teeth hinting that he is also a true vampire, much like Alucard, except for being a ladie's man. He may also be a clone of Martini but no evidence support that theory

Johnnathan Wung the 560th incarnation of Buddha and the 8,900th incarnation of Elvis, he is an expert at making fun of gay ass fuckers like Brendon Luigi. Also one of the ANTI Code: LYOKO fans. YES CODE LYOKO SUCKS PEOPLE! GOD!

Rian Hashegala

Rian's true form.

A robot from the future that was sent to kill us all but eventually thought: "Screw it," and just chilled. He knows alot about technology and is under the leadership of the future Gir(a.k.a skynet a.k.a the robot warlord). He is armed with a Jackhammer automatic shotgun, a Type 97 20 mm anti-tank rifle, a missile launcher, a gravity gun, and a toothpick. The toothpick is reported to have caused 9,000 horrific deaths.

Kindergardeners The main food source and rape victims of the staff and students at Douchebag elementary. They are referred to as "fresh meat". They are very edible and goes well with soy sauce. In fact they are the secret ingredient of McDonald's Big Mac and also the secret ingredient of KFC's popcorn chicken.

Zonad's larval form. The photographer never came back ever again.

Zonad The hideous mutant creature that lives in the teacher's bathroom and was created by combining a pig with a moose and a pile of shit. The resulting monstrocity was so horrible, a simple stare can kill a blind guy. It feeds on the souls of humans and then preceeds to suck out their insides with one of it's many tentacles in it's anus.

Lisite a.k.a Megabitch As the name implies, she can't shut the fuck up for even a second. She is the very definition of a bitch and someone should really slap her. No please slap her, I can't stand her voice. She is also one of the many offspring of Zonad.


Douchebag Elementary was originally a sweat shop ran by Michael Jackson, before he became white, that exploited immigrant children (mostly little boys). Then in WWII, it became a Nazi death camp. It still is. The immigrant children are the ancestors of the Kindergardeners(fresh meat...YUM!)


-Zonad was reported to have crapped out Iraq due to violent diarrea.

-The playground of Douchebag elementary is actually a wastefield where most of the trash is dumped. Several reports of mutant 1st graders were reported due to the nuclear waste in the area

-There is an xenomorph nest in the office

-It is where Michael Jackson became white