Douglas de la Haye
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[edit] Introduction
Born as a twelve year old Vietnamese girl in Malabar, Douglas now lives as a thirty year old man in the Former Slavic Republic of Jersey. He can be seen wearing his trademark leather cape, delivering watermelons to orphaned badgers at The Home for Forgotten Warriors.
Unfortunately, Douglas's father was a vampire, which prevents him from showing up on film. Images of Douglas must thus be created by artists.
[edit] Rise to Fame
In spite of his humble beginnings, Douglas soon became a controversial figure when he declared he had created a time machine. At the time, many scientists believed it impossible to create a functioning time machine which lacked a flux capacitor. Douglas was to prove them all wrong when he unveiled the device, which produced more clocks than any other time machine known to man.
Pedantics pointed out that the machine would have been more correctly named a clock machine, since it didn't actually manufacture or alter time in any manner. Cynics pointed out that the pedantics were being cynical and the general consensus of the people from the Chinese capital of Moscow was that they were just jealous because they hadn't thought of it first.
His wealth grew over the 1970s, in part due to the The Great Time Shortage of 1972 (in which many clocks were burned unnecessarily, whilst others were left hideously scarred and kept poor time). After becoming the first man to be valued higher than Mr. T, he took a step back from the business world and spent some time living as a travelling acrobat. Naturally, his spirituality grew and he became a changed man, with a perspective on the world much like that of an orange.
[edit] Charity Work
Following his incredibly successful time machine, Douglas turned his efforts to charity work: more specifically, to The Home for Forgotten Warriors where the last unknown survivors of the Badger Purge of 1971 can still be found.
The watermelons he delivers are produced at a considerable loss, funded by the wealth generated from his time business. Other than the cape, he will usually travel unclothed to avoid alarming the badgers, who have had no contact with humans since their earlier contact with computer hobbyists during The Purge. The leather cape signifies how charitable he is and is worn predominantly to look cool whilst bollock naked.
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