Dr. Doom's Proof of Inherent Flaws in Democracy

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Bah! Doom is here to prove that Athens, early Rome, and all three George W.'s (George Washington, George W Bush, and his father) all had their heads on backwards and their eyes twirled toward non-existant gophers.

The True Author of this Article and your next future dictator, and ain't nothing you can do about it, you moron!

1st Fundemental Flaw: People Are Like Monkeys: they're bananas.[edit]

Minor Elections[edit]

  1. Exactly 5 people in any given general election know who any candidates are other than the presidential candidates.
  2. Those five people know who other candidates are because they are physically unable to stop watching television, and thus cannot rise and vote anyway.
  3. And nobody else cares about local politics.
  4. Yet local elections still take a fair turnout. Why? Imagine you walk into a room expecting to eat a hot dog. And so you do. But after eating the hot dog, you turn to find the door locked. You look around and find the room completely white, and so unremarkable that you immediately collapse into explosive boredom, prepared to go insane from sensory deprivation. But wait. There is something you can do. Somebody has left you two check boxes and a pencil. Could be fun to check one of them. OOh! That was fun! Let's do it again! Check! Check! Check! Check! Check! Check!

And that's all the thought that goes into voting for a minor office.

  1. Now that we're in a childish fantasy world of escaping madness by checking boxes, let's look at the things in the boxes. There are two methods: pick your favorite color, or go with the funniest sounding words. Think about it. Wouldn't you rather vote for Aquamarine Freznit Kerblinkipot!!!! than Bill Gray...

Major Elections[edit]

  1. A person's choice in a major election is determined solely by:

whether the person prefers eating deer, or petting deer. or "I'll change my opinion if either of you offers me a cheap Chevy Suburban."

This is vastly different and much less entertaining than Dr. Doom's preference of hooking cybernetic warmachines and maybe a vampire to a deer.

Flaw #2. Why elections don't matter anyway.[edit]

Say Congressman A is elected to represent party B, which opposes party C.

  1. Congressman A does all he can to meet the interest of those corporations (and individuals, if you really believe that) that he can in party B.
  2. Congressman A can't do too much, because congressman D, who represents party C, has devised a system in which every action Congressman A attempts is, instead of being debated in congress, thrown to the judicial or executive houses, which party C controlls. And thus you might as well have elected congressman D, so something at least can pass.
  3. But even if you'd have voted for Mr. D, your vote would have been lost in the shady bowels of a voting machine manufactured by members of party B.
  4. And in the event of significant political pressure, Mr. A will be more than happy at any rate to call himself a "moderate" and swing over to party C for moral reasons.

The Amazing, Spectacular Alternative of Dictatorship![edit]

  1. So you don't care who gets elected locally? Neither does Doom! Anybody can represent my explicit, iron will when I threaten their life!
  2. Your political inclination may be shallowly motivated, but Doom has all sorts of good reasons why I should rule every aspect of your lives! And mine is the opinion that counts!
  3. No congressmen will waste time bickering when Doom gives an order! You'll build that giant statue of me on your house's roof, or I'm injecting flesh eating robots under your skin, locking you inside your house, burning it down, and then building a statue of me on your roof. See, no tricky political loopholes there!
  4. Political appearance. Imagine your average political debate on TV or your average senate meeting or what have you. Nothing but old people in suits arguing with each other. Now imagine Doom there. Doom is wearing high tech power armor and a cape, ranting in third person, and shooting lasers at whoever dares to disagree with the majesty that is Doom. Doesn't that make for more entertaining politics?

Dr. Doom's Proof of Inherent Flaws in Democracy for Dummies[edit]

Tired of morons and buffoons getting elected to your government? Me too. The problem is that the average voter is too stupid to vote for true geniuses like myself and always seems to vote for people like Bill Clinton, Tony Blair, George W. Bush, and the next moron up for election.

Then these morons who get elected to office run up huge deficits in pork projects that waste taxpayer's money and wage senseless wars that only kill more of your population and run up even huger debts. Then another moron is elected to bring about change and ends the war, but makes your enemies stronger but spends more on pork projects and doesn't keep campaign promises to you at all.

After over a hundred years of this going on in the UK and USA and other so called "Democracies" don't you think it is time to go back to the basics? That would be a Dictatorship run by one person and no more elections with morons getting elected to waste your hard earned money and kill your population with senseless wars. Under a Dictatorship there is no Congress to line the pockets of lobbyists with pork project money, no President to lie to you about going to war, no Constitution with legal loopholes that allow terrorists and pedophiles and other criminals to get away scot-free due to "Due Process" or something.

Look here, if you want the government to actually work for you, you want a Dictatorship not a Democracy. As your new leader, I would punish criminals without "Due Process" getting in the way, heck without a trial getting in the way, my Doombots would just shoot plasma beams at them in the streets and burn them to death. Terrorists fear Doom, not the other way around. In Latervia, there have been no terrorists attacks, period. That is because if I suspect someone of being a terrorist, they die, end of story. Now maybe some of you say that a Dictatorship is not for you, but my answer for that is that I am a Benevolent Dictator. My people are always well fed, robots do the work for them, I have free health care insurance for my people, free college, and the best social programs you can find. Plus the government always works with a surplus budget and there are no pork projects to gum up the works. You will be well taken care of, unless you decide to do something stupid like oppose me or speak out against me, and then I'll replace your brain with a robot brain. Even that is good and I'll tell you why, you'll be a whole lot smarter and you won't be making stupid decisions again, ever, plus you won't need money and will have given it all to my government to create the surplus. Look at it this way, in a Democracy you will end up homeless, poor, and sick without health insurance, in my Dictatorship you'll never have to worry about those things ever again.

So, in 2012, vote for Victor Von Doom as Dictator for Life in your nation, and let me take care of the things your government has neglected and all of your problems will just go away.

But wait, there's more![edit]

Why settle for mere Dictatorship when you can get a Totalitarian, Oppressive, Militaristic Regime lead by a Dictator for the same price, that is, your total and unwavering obediance!

"But what's so good about a Totalitarian, Oppressive, Militaristic Regime lead by a Dictator?" you ask?

What's good is that if you question my authority again, nobody will ever find your body! But let me show you what's good:

  1. Tired of having to make all those icky and hard decisions? Never again when Doom applies his special remedy, a mandatory nationwide 30 year draft of children 6 years old and up! Never will you have to make a desicion because when you serve in the Doom army, thinking is a death penalty, and we know, oh we know.
  2. A thief in your house? Stole all your valubles? Worry no more, crimes like these will be no more when Doom takes away all your property and possessions and puts them under control of the government, and if someone did steal from you, you'd best not complain because then we'll know, and if we know, you know no more.
  3. Tired of waking up to the sound of protest? Just want to kill those stupid, filthy, disgusting hippies? Worry no more, a nationwide death penalty against Liberalism will cure those pro-"free thinking" douchebags.
  4. Never worry about abortion any more. Obviously, a woman who needs an abortion is a whore. If she wants her fetus killed, the government will assist her by executing her and then the baby will die with her. Either that or we'll turn them both into killer cyborgs and wipe their minds clean so they won't remember their past.
  5. Education, everyone will get a free education equally. Everyone is subject to brainwashing and mind wiping before they become a killer cyborg in our military. Since we draft everyone from age six and up, they all get a free education in our military.
  6. Religion, no doubts about it, everyone will have religion as everyone must worship Dr. Doom as a god. When you are brainwashed and mind wiped, you will be programmed to worship Dr. Doom anyway. Are you a die-hard militant Atheist? It does not matter as you will be converted to Doomism anyway whether you like it or not, and you will be programmed to like it.

So, in conclusion, Doom is your ROCK 'N' ROLL GANGSTER OVERLORD, AND YOU AIN'T DOIN' NOTHIN' ABOUT IT!

See Also[edit]

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